[ Faded.Life ]

2007-07-10T07:46:00.000+08:00

Ok as of 9th July 2007 I restarted blogging after all this while.

Moved to www.eternity-minded.blogspot.com

2004-10-21T17:33:00.000+08:00

graduation,

the end of 4 years of memories. 4 yrs tht embrance u and give u an experience tht is beyond value and monetary terms or 4 yrs of void tht would seem nth more special to u den any ordinary day. it is how u wish to spend ur 4 yrs tht really count. true, the exams in e end play a significant impact in the development of ur attitude towards e moments tht give colour and shade to time written but ultimately it is still u hu has to be credited to ur episode here.

the sweet taste of victory in a competition, the lone company of the ever-looming halls of corridors, the bitterness of defeat and disappointment, the frustration and anguish in failure, the juvalation of accomplishment, the dull placating tones of endless mugging, the choas of incompatibility, the crazy ramblings of classes, the incessant chatter of people around you, the every so funny lame jokes, the moments of support and the standing by of friens. all part of memory, one cannot do without the other, they all exist lyk yin and yang, all swarming thr my conscience as i recall past memories. nostalgic? definitely. i could scarsely control my emotions as we sang the batch song for the last time in the atrium, a moment to relish. though we held the arms of strangers, we were together for the last time, giving our hearts and souls and devoting all our capacity to relinquish and recall together something tht has sticked together wif us for 4 well-spent yrs. together.

i will definately miss time spent here in raffles institution. perhaps some ppl may proclaim me as some1 unwilling to move on but well i do treasure my history. ur hist is part of u, it gives u definition and experience. w/o a hist, we would hav no memories, no life to speak off. yet again, i'm so looking forward to going to jc. a fresh start, a new environment, new people, new concepts and a new experience. it feels entirely ironic, to both be joyous amd sad as we leave e portals of raffles insitution, which has undoubtedly been e centre of my universe. a rafflesian legacy. a rafflesian resolution.

jc life. a much more complex and superficial yet deep life all at the same life. some ppl will change. a lot off ppl will change. e influence of the opposite sex is definately going to be a big impacting factor here. i dun tink any other point can be more precisedly set in stone den tht. yet tht is not all tht comes. more politics, more sense, more judgement, more reason and more maddness. a fresh burst of flavour frm all the different cornerstones of teenage life, intriguing. and it seems tht is wad ultimately appeals to me. a shift away frm the sterotypicality and subjugated boredom tht plagues the minds of everyone of us these days. perhaps i'll be biting off more den i can chew? i'll get more den i can possibily handle? perhaps. but this element of chance in life is wad gives colour and surprise to life isn't it?

chance. hopefully i chanced an ace for my chem practical today. so far so good, nothing to fret bout yet. so it begins. the dreaded Os, the final test in tis course of our life. the ever-consuming maddness tht has been gnawing at the sanity at all of us, constantly prevading our conquest yet threatening to overwhelm us all together. i see it more den juz a obstacle now. i see it as a challenge to myself, a challenge to prove myself worthy, to show i can achieve wad i hav too often too incerely and too softly promised myself to do. i do it not for e sake of a U cert and e hope of a better life, not for e sake of bringing glory to my ancestors, not for e sake of my parents, but rather, for myself. a challenge i will overcome. and succeed.

mmm dun really feel lyk typing anymore, no mood today. felt really slack aft e chem paper, i'll probably try 2 do something later tonight. tomorrow's rj open hse, will probably go down 2 check out stuff. alright good luck for e upcoming papers every1 and for e last time Auspicium Melioris Aevi.

2004-10-11T21:04:00.000+08:00

mmm,

life is ticking away, every second, every minute. and here i am sitting in my of a flickerng monitor screen typing tis entry. haven updated in a long time i noe. dad went overseas again trying to settle a job in indonesia so here i am online aft all tis while yup. mmm i'm also not sure of e job status of my dad. he got retreched frm his old company and i believe he is doing something new wif his ex-boss. anyway so few ppl r online these days, all exam stressing sinking into every crevice of their minds. pervading sense and reason, ppl getting stressed out yet i feel strangely empty. i juz dun feel lyk studying yet i feel pressurized to study, i feel pressurized to do work to be hardworking to do wad every1 else is doing but seriously i feel lyk a a vacumn. an emptyness inside, juz sick of tis pointless efforts to mug and mug and mug.

its finally here isn't it. aft 4 yrs. somehow i tink i probably got burnt out aft prelims and i'm having trouble keeping my pace. all e previous times, the motivations and e stamina hav all been drained and bleached into oblivion and i feel juz lyk an empty husk, hollow, transparent and faded. all i can conjure are thoughts of finding ways to relax, my thoughts screaming out to juz run and release myself frm tis tormenting cycles of inflicting meaning facts into my memory. i wan 2 go to e beach and juz feel the breeze against my face without the nagging pain of Os grinding somewhere at the back of ur conscious, threathening to consume all ur sanity and leave u spitted with nothin but bones shld u dare to hav e audacity to ignore it. no tis cannot continue, i hav to drag myself out frm tis jagged sea of dispair and rise above e darkness. the last lap, the last month, the last ditch effort will not be in vain nor will it be bogged down and stained by my self-imposed and overly excessive paranoia and pessimism. i will hav 2 find motivation and i will overcome tis intact.

the last few days i've been watching e neon genesis evagelion dvd and wow it really roxs man. on a surface level it might seem juz another cartoonist dreams of his own warped twisted imagination of reality. or another childish story designed for marketting, but it goes more den tht. it has naturally all e themes and ideals tht 1 may find in a lot of other shows, self-sacrisfice, self-discovery, friendship, the stigmas of a bad childhood and e foolishness of humanity. the list goes on. wad gives man the right to exist anyway? are we so foolish in our efforts to survive we are willing to harness e engine of our destruction? the questions go on. but yet e most outstanding issue questions our very values and our existance. hu are we? are we defined as how we see ourselves? in tht case if u are e onli thing existance in nothingness, wad difference r u frm nothingness? how diffrent r u exactly? w/o anything there is no difference. it is onli thr e existance of the "other" tht "i" can defined isn't it? u are still ultimately defined by how u exist in every1's mind and how u exist in ur mind as well. none is independant of e other isn't it? everything together defines "u" fore w/o others and anything else, u hav no practical difference frm nothingness yet w/o urself, u cannot exist. perhaps these is y ppl care so much of wad others tink of em.

another interesting thing of human nature it points out - man wans freedom but rejects it at e same time. imagine if u can complete freedom, no rules to bound u by, u would not noe wad to do or where to go or wadsoever isn't it? u would wan an objective if not man feel his life has no purpose but wif an objective u hav a restriction. u wan emotion but emotion comes wif restrictions too. so indeed how can e idea of complete freedom exist actually? if one were give it, one would wan more and wif tht more one would be restricted. i hope e pt is coming across here but if u dun understand me go watch e series haha. well another thing is e true value of things we hold as worth of value. e pt there was pretty clear. u r not defined by ur value tht others see u by or even how u see urself by. u may be characterised by these value now, believing they r everything to see, so much to e pt tht they define u and u would be nothing w/o them but more often u can lead an entirely different life and still be defined as urself w/o em. juz another pt they drove across.

mmm well time flies in e flash of an eye, grad ceremony is tis saturday. wif e benefit of hindsight i guess i wished i did a lot of things differently but den again all things done hav value. it was juz a moment ago i tot i was in sec 1 orientation and well now 4 yrs hav gone and we hav walked thr e portals of ri. good or bad? impossble to evaluate isn't it? our lives can onli develop 1 way. there's no bar for comparison. anyway ya there'll be memories treasured and moments hated undoubtedly for every1 and tis all contributes to e sense of e experience we all went thr. a sense of saddness and a sense of juvalation, an irony in human beings so lyk e hedgehig's dilema but tht's wad all makes it even more worth remembering. ok ya tht's bout it i guess. back to mugging haha. cya and take care.

2004-10-03T18:52:00.000+08:00

hello,

i'm beat man. juz came back from the beach. yup again. haha i'm lyk going there so often these days but well the whole ambience is so nice and relaxing and all and well u get e pic. maybe aft Os should go and camp there? haha or sentosa. we'll see how it goes. anyway went blading. or at least if u would call wad i did blading la. all i can claim is tht i haven completely forgotten how 2 stand on eight wheels so ya. haha ok la at least i'm getting for proficient at it. maybe by nxt yr it'll come as easy as cycling? heh. it seems 2 me i wan 2 go do so many things but there isn't enuff time. there nvr is is there? time is in such abundance, everyone, everything has it yet no can claim sufficient for himself. guess tht's juz e way it is. life is short, live it. well anyway so tht's basically the whole evening gone.

ok so well i finally got down 2 working again. bout time man haha. interestingly i forced myself 2 do it during e weekend wen i had been lyk slackin throughout e entire week since aft our last papers. ya finished our O lvl papers excluding e drawing parts and i realised i can't do some of e qns -.-" ok maybe its e phrasing or juz tht i forgotten all my stuff. if tht's e case well, i can return my a1s back to my teachers. okok so its a sign. gotta get back 2 mugging seriously again. i really dun feel lyk mugging man. mugging feels so bloody stupid and pointless. but well its juz these last stretch of e race, if we give up now we lose everything we endured and persevered for. no it wouldn't be worth it then.

sometimes i wonder wadever y we would plunge ourselves into darkness? i mean wad's e pt in e end anyway? is it coz of e legacy of an long-past elder in ur family? or is it juz e sense of accomplishment we feel wen we met and exceed our goals, exceling and achieving? or is tis juz a stepping stone in accomplishing our dreams for some? wadever it is, sometimes i get e feeling wad i'm doing is all for nothin and i dread it. its sicken yet it'll probably stick and hover around us for time to come and even more so i'll probably hav 2 get used 2 it.

i'm really glad tht i can get inspired or rather i can force myself 2 work by somethings and interestingly, its probably diff frm most ppl. haha its not parents, e dream for a better life or religion (i'm still a free tinker btw) or morals or whatsoever. its rather guilt haha. ya. strangely but definately. wen i see some of my friens working really really hard, ya i feel inspired 2 put in tht much effort as well, not to match e results or wadsoever but juz 2 match e effort haha. ya there u go. wad kind of warped mentality do i hav man? its juz tht i feel guilty not working so hard as well, so i do. or at least i try. bizzare but yes tht's e truth anyway. u can swallow it or spit it out it maks no diff anyway.

oh yes anyway i nvr imagined i'd actually lyk e songs frm a Christian band haha. really its juz so, so uplifting. its quite inspirational actually and motivating. now i understand y so many ppl lyk Hillsong. ya so ok maybe i dun really dig e lyrics bout God (no disrespect here) and all tht but well its juz e whole positivity and faith in it tht makes it really amazing and nice. its so diff frm e songs we hear nowadays. so refreshing and full of vigour and life. haha i really hav 2 thank ignatius for transfering e first song to me. i act din noe wad i was dling or hu i was listening 2 till i realised it was by Hillsong. so ya haha.

anyway gtg for dinner, i'm lyk so starving. mum's calling me anyway. and yup dad's back. came back yesterday/ so i'll expect he'll cut off my comp usage playing elysium? haha well wad can i say? cya.

2004-09-28T18:33:00.000+08:00

yoyo,

jubilation. at least temporal for now. results are out, hmm well i did better den i expected seriously. ok so there was a tinge of disappointment for dreams gone wild, a glimpse into un-reality, but hey seriously i'm more den contented. ambition might kill sometimes, and so will procrastination and complacence. well i got 85% for phy, truly surprising, mr wee gave me the impression i was a gonner. 91% for e maths and 76% for hist/ss. wow. i managed 2 get an a1 for hist/ss heh. din expect tht. ok eng 78% and lit b3 yep, score unknown: there u hav it, e slightly shreded fragments of a dream turned true. perhaps hoping for straight As is too high above e clouds. bio will be revealed tomolo yup. hopefully an A1 too? haha am i asking for too much? :P ok so e hard work really did pay off. all the times i juz felt lyk giving up, all the times in the dark swings of depression, all the times i forced myself grudgingly to go on, all the dark intense brooding moments. well its finally cumulated into this climax. or rather this calm night before the storm. ya got my 6 points, looks lyk i'd be able to juz walk over now. at least for e first 3 months. yep i'm definitely satisfied. but no slacking off. e most impt papers are yet to be.

anyway well i noe some ppl din do as they might hav hoped. yup i juz wanna say ya it isn't over. life nvr is until you choose for it to be. no one else can force you to click the game over button. there's still bio, lit and eng tomolo for those hu haven found out their marks for my class. other subs for others. dun giv up. there's still moderation too ya? its not over and even if we still dun all achieve straight As for prelims there're still Os. they r still e papers ultimately determining our future 2 yrs.

ok ya aft sch met up wif zaidi aft his meeting wif his p. sch mates. we went 2 orchard intending to catch a movie, but it was a tag too late and ya not exactly veri possible for zaidi 2 get back home 2 late so we juz decided to walk around and talk instead. yeah. boring? nah i dun tink so. it wasn't for me at least. a couple of interesting things happened though.

for starters we met weng at taka kino. as usual we were blind and she spotted us. heh probably studying wif her friens but man i feel so guilty aft seeing tht. =P ppl r working so hard aft prelims and there we were relaxin and cooling off for well no really justifiable reason really. aft all our prelims had already ended last wed, earlier den em and we shld hav had our share of fun by now. but well e most interesting thing was i juz make a comment onli moments earlier tht some ppl can't go 2 orchard w/o meetung some1 they noe and we were definitely not 1 of em. zaidi mentioned something lyk i shldn't say tht shld we really meet some1 and lo and behold we did. haha. one of life's lil' jokes =]

well which reminds me. i also met some1 on e train later on e way home. din noe hu she was but apparently she knew my name. she mentioned something bout mbs and p 5 i tink but i dun seem to hav any recollection at all. oh man my memory is lyk dying out on me or something. anyway ya couldn'd say much coz i had to alight so yup. another coincidence: i was toking 2 samjo earlier tis mornin bout memories of our lives and how they'll fade wif time and all. and how we shld mak due effort to preserve our memories, the only key to the past history tht defines us as wad we r. and there we hav me completely blanking out on my p sch days. haha well irony. another of life's cunning pranks perhaps? well i do sincerely hope tht e past memories of these 4 yrs will continue staying on wif me for e rest of mu life. i suddenly realise they're so intangible and easily forgotten. buried under the eons tht mark the passage of time, lost for good. they represent so many things we stand for, we did, we pursued, we acoomplished. forgetting em will be lyk letting a part of urself go: u will nvr be whole again. nostalgia? well heh i'm sure i can be entitled to be, i'll be graduating in a couple of weeks man =P

bear wif me, anyway another interesting incident was wen we were alighting frm summerset mrt, tis rg girl approached us to buy charity draw tickets. guess frm which organization? haha ya the red cross. woah u're trying 2 prompt zaidi and me to buy rc tixs? haha u gotta be joking man. i was bout 2 suan her if zaidi din pursuade me not to. fancy telling of all the people in the world who would otherwise willingly buy a tix for charity, the ex-rirc chair and v-chair to buy tixs. heh ya i noe a bit mean and all, she wouldn't noe of coz but well i really couldn't resist it. comic relief frm a stressed up day.

mmm u noe if u really open ur eyes and look around, u'd really notice a lot of things u probably wouldn't see b4. the world's a small place man. today at orchard station we saw tis ri guy wif the rg girl and he was lyk caressing her and standing intimately lyk ultra close to her. and he was lyk fondling wif her hair in a way tht bears hints of slightly pervertic semblence. MAN HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SHAME??? my god tht was a public place for goodness sake and lyk both of you were bloody wearing the sch uniform damn it. and worse still u dun hav 2 be so damn blatant bout it. come on la i seriously see no probs wif hugs and kisses and all tht but e way it happened really hit a raw nerve. call me conventional, call me traditional wadever, i found tht too much man. anyway later wen we went 2 e esplanade to relish the moment aft prelims b4 we finally graduate, and we met one of zaidi's friens there wif his (probably stead?) small world isn't it? well glad to noe at least some ppl keep their dignity intact

mmm ok ya juz got back frm dinner. went out today, mid-autumn festival, mum decided to eat out for once. u noe sometimes we question the words tht define our lives and we find no ans. y r we alive anyway? if u tink bout tht more qns pop us. wad is the point in humanity's existance actually? Does a higher being really exist? if it did how did tht being come bout? if it did no, den y are here? human thought and emotion is such a complex and beautiful thing. it allows boundless transition tht gives people inspiration, tht gives people hope, tht helps define reality. yet despite the immenseness of all these qns and the impossibility of it to ans and prove it, they can be spurn juz frm a moment along the river-front and staring at the crabs on rocks below. sometimes i juz wish moments would juz freeze and be locked down for eternity, allowing us to contemplate wad we truly r, giving us something we are so desperately trying not to relinquish. beautiful moments, lyk juz sitting at the riverfrnt, staring out at the city with the wind blowing on ur face. achingly enthralling, yet always transient and fleeting.

ok if u din get e last part ya juz dun bother. it probably wun mak much sense to some but hey no one said thoughts are easy to understand. if they were, we would all hav attained nirvana wouldn't we? anyway ya wrote long enuff. tak care ppl.

2004-09-27T19:29:00.000+08:00

ok,

so yup today is the first day of getting back prelim results. so far haven been disappointed yet and actually things hav turned out pleasently well. got back 3 papers + 1 if u can count chi as a paper and ss as one too. -.-" all a1s haha. well a maths 89%, chem 87%, ss 39/50 and chi well ya. chi. anyway basically e linchpin of everything is in tomolo's hist paper, i need a 36 which basically equates to a 18 + 18 in order to score a 1. i'm not keeping too high hopes for tht one well coz onli 1 in 3 ppl got a1 so lyk according to our all so accomodating teachers we din exactly do very well. i'm lyk such a contradiction man, i hav half a mind lyk freaking out for e results and e other half of me does seem 2 care. lit busted. forget it man. i'll probably get a b3.

well after modest assurance frm various sources both reliable and unreliable, i feel confident enough to say i shld be able get a a1 for my L1. which leaves basically humanities to be desired + 1 other sub to clinch e 6-pointer fantasy. probably e-maths? according to mr kwa i guess it shld be a1nable. bio wasn't too well done, slightly less den half achieved an a1. phy not too reassuring man, mr wee gave such a great confidence booster for a comment. hoping for an a2 but i tink b3 would seem more viable. sign. hist/ss i wun dare to give myself a stipulated score least my projected guess comes true and one tht i would not be all too comfortable with. i seriously hope for some divine miracle or juz some serious moderation. ok tht leaves a L1R5 of 8 pts projected if i use lit which with a deduction of 4 pts shld be alright unless our batch goes cut-throat with marks and absolutely kills everyone yup. not too badly done i guess, but not too marvelous either.

ok enough on results. yep went cycling wif tiong yesterday mornin. we cycled all e way 2 changi airport runway. haha e roads there r excellant man. u can cycle lyk hell and there'll still be hell more to go. but well time 2 settle in aft all e aft-prelims activities. can't afford 2 get complacent. no classical cases here. kinda hard 2 settle back down. dun feel lyk it but well i'll probably hav to force myself down 2 it sooner or later. better sooner. Os in a couple of weeks. sheesh, i never imagined tis day man. ever. but well reality catches up and we all hav 2 continue running again. least we become e most qualified person to apply for a road sweeping job next yr. haha interesting quote frm edward d.c.

okok sorry today's entry kinda suxs. blabbering non-stop for so long. all thrash and crap. anyway ya changed my template again to tis one. yup again. =P took kenny's advise and decided he was rite, the last one was a bit too feminish for my taste. =/ anyway ya hopefully tis stroke of fortune will continue on and may everyone get be given e choice to pursue their dreams. buaiz.

2004-09-25T21:21:00.000+08:00

hi,

ok i redid the layout of my blog obviously. please tell me wad u tink of it and yes i'm finally updating again. haha last time was lyk one sat so far away i can't rmb coz my sats hav basically been the dull monotonous sterotypical ones i'm so getting sick of. prelims man. they are so ultimately sucky. countless hours of mugging and more mugging and looking at books and trying to recall the functions of the liver. sheesh.

the word finally hasn't really solidified down yet but perhaps it shouldn't. its not over yet. there's still Os coming up man. tht'll be lyk somewhere very close. ppl are already beginning their count down and gearing up for tis final leg of e race but well i tink i'll give myself an extended holiday for now. haha no point forceing myself to study wen all i wan is 2 burst out of tis encapsulating fate. anyway talking bout prelims i would say they were ok. managable would be more or less appropriate. of coz u always hav e few exceptions and impossibily horrendous subs lyk the unseen poem for lit which practically killed my brian wen i read it and of coz our all so favourite humanities subject lyk ss/hist. tok bout a humanities course in jc man. i wouldn't expect too much frm it, but i guess if a sprinkle of allowed optimism, there would be no slander to say i could get into rj. or wadever jc i decide to apply for. hopefully.

the rj dream. or so it seemed was firmly rooted inside of me before i sat for e prelims. i had been trying 2 use tht as a motivation 2 study for facing the bore of mugging and mugging and even more mugging. but it seems the foundations of tht dream has been shaken. aft e series of jc talks doubts hav again started to resurface. rj seems so, so u noe "tradition of excellance", prim and proper and all tht sort. good yes but too inflexible. vj on the other hand seems more vibrant and alive. tht is really attractive and as mentioned, it is close. a definite plus point. hc seems another option not worth discarding entirely too coz it does present itself as a cross between rj and vj, vibrancy and muggish all together. yet somehow the new surroundings and fresh beginning really appeals to me. budden seriously its awfully far, not to mention i lose my 2 pts bonus for affiliation and its very very chinese based, probably not suited for me and frm wad i gathered not as vibrant as i was given the impression. but we'll see.

heh been watching movies/lanning e past 2 days. haven done tht in lyk eons already felt so good to be playing hard again. however hard tht could be with e fact tht we still hav restraints. anyway went cycling yesterday to ecp den all the way up to t.m. safra. with all the planes landing and taking off it was rather cool, but nothing can beat the feeling of sea breeze hitting ur face, music blasting in ur ears and the whole of the beach pervading ur senses man. its so detached, so relaxing, w/o a care in the whole damn world. all u noe is the track in front of you, the waves and sand around you, and urself cycling everything outa ur system. the smell of fresh air breathes life into you again. at least for e moment. it rawks man. if only wad is could be wad will be forever.

ok i guess i've ranted on long enuff la. nth really much 2 talk about really. results r coming back on monday but i dun really care anymore. its all done, all decided no use freaking out. no point. rather enjoy myself while i still can before hitting e books again on monday. tomolo meeting tiong hwee to go cycling at ecp. haha yup again. well aft tht, we'll see where i go ya? anyway good luck to everyone whether getting back prelim results or sitting for e last few prelim papers. i guess we could all do some use wif a flash of luck here and there. cya.

2004-09-03T13:32:00.000+08:00

walls,

they keep us in, isolate us from the world. they bear the burden of keeping the deepest darkest secrets of our soul in desolation. they seperate us and keeps us as individuals. they represent a physical and psychological constraint that deems the world as self. that was the compo topic i chose yesterday for my english prelims. decently written? i'm not even sure. it was meant as an emotional piece but i doubt i reached that level. did not have enough time to develop the piece fully. but i guess it was a good topic, but i had problems expressing what i truely wished to say after finishinh the second paragraph. writer's block is a lame excuse but well how else can i justify myself. i guess it was nothing short of being cliche.

ok yes u heard this story probably like a billion times already. prelims coming no time to update blog heh. throw in the fact tht my dad's home even more often after his contract got terminated, he's basically home everyday using the com playing eo. yup. retrechment. again. sign. hopefully he'll get a new job soon. anyway ya so here i am at marine parade public library updating my blog at the public com. :X can't study at home esp at night so ya. sis, mum, dad and cousin will divert my attention to something irrelavent. oh today is hcl paper so ya i dun hav to attend school.

blasting at everyone now is probably prelims no doubt. it already started for major papers for a lot of ppl. i'm juz glad our major subs are starting only after the sep holidays. i really need the time to brush up and revamp my humans man. totally sucky. cmi esp literature. 12th night and pdd. one comment: disgusting. anyway hopefully i din screw my english prelims man. i'm so not wanting to go to inova. haha besides its lyk looking out mainly for the sports inclined people so i wun even be able to gain entry.

ok i believe i'm sounding senseless and incongruent again. i can't seem to focus today. as usual. with the radio station playing non-stop in my ears, its even worse. haha. rubbish. -ignore above section, its nothing but glibberish- somehow i feel that my rj dream is masquerading behind the misty fog of prelims, just out of reach, tempting me. sickening. i dun dare proclaim the confidence of going there no matter wad everyone else may say. in a bid of sincerity or insult i dun noe and dun care. they dun understand anyway and i dun expect they will. haha everyone's already engrossed trying to contemplate the meaning of their lives, how can they manage understanding another so much if they've never spent more than a few moments truely with them?

so much has happened it seems the past few weeks. i feel tempted to comment on the shift of focus of the government i but i guess unconventional issues that do not relate to a single childish and insensitive teenage whining about his currently depressing that will change after a few more weeks life shld be kept to himself. haha. wad else? teachers' day? hmmm i would juz lyk to pay tribute to a few teachers for their outstanding efforts and dedication here. din do anything for em tht day so ya tis is the least i can do. firstly i would lyk to thank mr kwa for tolerating all my nonsense and being such a great maths teacher. next mdm ong for putting in so many hours after school to prepare tiong hwee and me for the chi Os which both os us got A1 :P hopefully everything has gone well for her operation. next mrs jocelyn lim for yup being so concerned over our class and teaching bio so superbly. last but not least mrs ang, my ex-cca teacher in charge. besides all the strained moments, she still deserves my undying appreciation.

ok can't wait for prelims to end. anyway guys how was the paper?? hopefully it's ok right? haha. anyway ya better not lose my drive at this stage man. raining outside right now, the whole lib feels so peaceful. ok gotta go back to my objective. cannot afford to digress too much :P cya.

2004-08-09T12:40:00.000+08:00

hey,

ok well so here i am finally online. dad came back from medan so as usual evicted me frm my com which he used 2 play eo. haha wad can i say? as for e lack of updates? well prelims r coming, trying 2 spend more time mugging. or trying to. i'm lyk so falling asleep on the library desks while looking throgh placentation, polymers bla bla bla. u get e drift.

ok man life totally suxs. or rather, wad life. i hav lyk no life at all now haha. y r we e last batch for every bloody thing? BCG (not exactly valid but...) raffles program and even the 3 month break before jc tht would practically invalidate our all so upcoming prelims man. well i guess complaining's not gonna giv me my As so yah no point whining on e whole day. so here i am, going 2 e library everyday 2 mug aft sch. as in lyk almost everyday. wad sort of life is tht? guess tis n-day weekend break is really appropriate. but heh can't really afford 2 waste time can we. i hav tis sense of impending doom tht i'm lyk so gonna die for prelims. not enuff prep. and e fact i'm always screwing up evey major exam in my life no matter how prepared i am.

anyway i'm so looking forward 2 e end of tis yr man. and hopefully i can get into e science stream of rj. budden e future is uncertain so we can't say anything can we? it nvr was fixed or carved in stone. i could end up blowing tis paper up lyk i always do. it'll be so totally demoralizing to see all ur 10 yrs of education being ripped to pieces juz coz of 1 bad paper. all e hard work totally wasted. gone. budden life was nvr fair to begin wif anyway.

i miss so many things these days. i miss being carefree, i miss e times where all u were worried bout was how u performed in sch, or in ur cca. where u din hav 2 bother bout so many things revolving around u tht threaten continuously to overwhelm u. i miss e rush of adrenaline u get wen u're out there fighting for wadever reasons in a national com. e touch of the spirit tht could inspire and elevate u to a high. e times where u spent wif ur friens together, suffering, together, enjoying. i miss e touch of being fallen, of hope, pining, wishing and of desire. i missed the motivation and e driving force of life. but all i can be contented wif now is the company of books and files and notes. and e day i tot i'd nvr see come is looming.

ok anyway at least there has been some consolation. i finally got e elusive singpex gold. but well if i had put in more effort before, i guess tis wouldn't be e first and e last. e irony was so strong there though, wen i sat in e hall of e ceremony waiting for e parilmentary secretary 2 giv out e prizes, tht i still had lyk hardly any interest in stamps. and there i was at some philatelic event among so many enthusiastic philatelists receving a somewhat top honours for a last min job. and wen e vip asked my y water dwellers, i couldn't ans him. i was stunned. i obviously couldn't say oh coz its an easy topic 2 find stamps on could i? so i gave him some ultimately lame reason which i hav no desire of repeating. and if i do get a colours award for tis gold, which usually occurs, i'll be juz bowled over. not wif ecstasy but wif irony of life and of coz e cca system. budden i really wouldn't mind it though. haha. oh yah wei lun juz joined e club too. interesting.

anyway dramafeste juz ended. moor did a great job. so did e rest of e houses. but personally i really lyked ccc's script a lot. really dark, bout human nature, bout us. as for e whole thing, i could say a lot of things about it but well too many feathers hav already been ruffled, no point adding insult to injury wen its all over. sides wad i may say may not please the ears of those hu hear it.

ok wad else?? ulc reunion? hmm. b-o-r-i-n-g. hq propagtanda event. rite now doubt i'll be joining hq but we'll see. enuff rc for a while. chalet got canceled. sec 3s. haiz. i'm speechless. studies, dying. anyway 1 last comment b4 i go. doubt it'll reach e ears of hu i intend it to but well nvm i'll juz say it. part of gd leadership comes frm learning how to let go and to go on. to forget and forgive bout e past and move on frm there. to trust ur successors enuff not to hav 2 supervise and be there anymore. rmb trust. and confidence. hanging on to something which u hav passed on will not do any good.

ok yup tht's all for now. cya.

2004-07-22T20:40:00.000+08:00

hello,

ok common test results weren't that bad. quite surprising actually and i can say i'm rather pleased with them given the fact i did not really study much. it was mostly pure luck. perhaps this is a chance for me to redeem myself and get my objectives for prelims. yup i'll definitely try to work harder. all the 4 yrs of sec sch boils down 2 tis paper and the Os at the end of the year. i definitely dun wan 2 blow them. L1R5 8 points: 4 A1s 3 A2s 1 B4/ Average: 75.6.

Anyway i juz came up wif this poem. haven thought of a suitable title yet. Any comments?

------

The sky is downcast gray, iron gray

Locked in stripes of black

And white.

My boat, stranded

Upon the shadowed ocean, bounded by shackles.

Dead sail, dead rudder, dead missing anchor.

It drifts, lost. Lost amidst the dark abyss

And vaulted mist that stick like plague.

A flash of white.

An albatross. A condemned chance passes.

I leave it be, sticking to my sinking ship,

Illuminating the stars with shades of yellow and green

That bears the hint of redemption. My heart breathes.

I breathe.

------

ok good luck to everyone for prelims. yup cya.

2004-07-14T20:49:00.000+08:00

hi ppl,

ok sorry for the lack of updates for the past month or so. a whirlpool of events have occurred since the last time i've blogged and i guess things will never be the same again. i'll probably be updating here and there but i doubt it'll be that intense given the vast spectrum of factors blasting time, mood and priorities into my face. currently picking up and resorting the pieces as ends are finally tied up and struggling to swim up and on after the shift phase evolution.

basically common tests results are on the verge of spilling over, i'm not expecting much given the amount of preparation i made and the degree of understanding i stood by while sitting for the papers coupled with the limited practices i did. hopefully it will be better than what i'm expecting, if not then well, we'll have to make up with prelims wun we? it was a bumpy ride, but nothing out of the ordinary if you would just kindly ignore the fact prelims are starting at the end of this term and i haven't gotten geared back down after the aftermath of my stress-releasing activities the past few days. movies, chalets, pool, bowling and God knows what else.

rc is probably more or less closed now. a track now lost in the forbidden mists of time. surprising it proved easier than i anticipated, but perhaps it was due to common test displacing my attention and emotional spirit. the last upcoming event is cadet recognition day which is coming up at the end of this month, the previous was dawn's birthday chalet party. no point re-alliterating about my night over, i'd rather have memory serve me for this one, the mark of the ending perhaps? perhaps in my deluded mind to personify and emphasis the taste of it, and it it is connected and associated with. if i really wanted to go on expounding on this, i might as well include my disapproval for azizul's outburst on the house and personal victimization of liansheng for drama feste. so much for house captain. but i can't be bothered on this; it bears no relevant importance.

arthur yesterday, spiderman2 probably coming up this friday? when am i ever going to get down to studying man? no more pointless hours wasting and draining my life away in front of a jaded monitor, or on experimenting with the functions of the new phone i finally got or whatsoever. i suppose i have to set back and cut down, cut down on activities that have so adhesively clung onto the threads of my time. restriction, control, sacrifice, double edged swords that will no doubt tear one's very soul to painful wounds of mental stress and existence. stress of existence that has already began to escalate which i have yet to face but will do so very soon. time to hit the books after this and leave this entry as a reminder and an inspiration to realize my dream at the end of this year.

i guess i may not be making much sense to some, i apologise for the crime of word evasion which i'm guilty and convicted of. some secrets and feelings dwell too deep within the heart and mind to be so openly allowed to be scrutinised by the public eye. additionally, my entry has no respect for logic of reading nor proper order, making it based not on the importance and need for ideas to be discussed and released from the bottomless pit that is the mind but rather grounded by what passed through my mind this moment henceforth. as of it is, my supper awaits me downstairs and my eyelids do bear the burden of lack of sleep and troubling, dull, seemingly dream-like yet very real problems that are omnipresent in the background.

anyway need to start forcing myself to study after this, perhaps a little bit of the sciences; easiest to start with anyway. but before that sometimes i feel ripped apart by right and wrong. believing what i know is right, thinking its right yet questioning whether my belief is indeed right and still doing it. yet after which i get a sense of fulfilment and agony - an irony altogether. fulfilment for doing in which something i believe but knowing very well it is exactly opposite as i wish it would be or would have been. even as i know this thoughts be wrong, what can i do indeed? curbing them is not the problem but what i seek is release and salvation from them. perhaps one day that salvation will come and i can calm my tormented soul from the idiocy of my dilemma.

2004-06-28T17:23:00.000+08:00

hmmm,

i tink i shall put my blog on hiatus for a while. haven been updating recently anyway. dun feel lyk recounting y rite now though. ok will update in a bit i guess but most likely after common test so bye for now.

2004-06-09T23:20:00.000+08:00

wow,

ok now now tht was fast. it hasn't 24 hours after the end of combined training and scandals are spreading lyk wildfire. haha well i guess its inevitably. one is obviously the nic-amelia, and of coz the long-going one jason soh raked up btw jason ng and yiping and now there's even one bout me and my other mentor, cheryl. well the truth is their basically groundless accusations but nevertheless ppl r still swallowing em for future teasing and enjoyment purposes which is after all veri natural. anyway wad happened to me was tht initially i was told my partner hated me coz, well, i was a guy. but after the hike she was supposedly asking a lot of qns bout me so some bored friens of mine decided to create scandalized it to kill time. haha was rather funny actually so there u hav it.

anyway i would lyk to thank samjo for the punisher preview tickets and man NC 16 movies r so so so irritating at tis pt of the yr where its lyk near impossible to find someone available to go wif u. anyway went wif clarence in the end and met joel and amin too. the place was sooo diff to find coz there was a special set of elevators for reaching tht place which i couldn't find inititally so i ended up yaking the cargo lift which went to all floors. -.-" anyway the theatre was soo posh and luxurious. it had lyk wad? bout 20+ odd so leather seats tht were veri comfortable specially for SB staff. so funky man, nvr seen a theatre lyk tht b4. however the movie on the other hand wasn't as stunning and captivating though. spiderman was better. tis show was rather cliche, the ending u could guess frm halfway through the show and it was sooo totally lyk those rambo/predator kind of shows where u hav 1 man against impossible odds wif a whole big slap of batman-movie like flavours. not tht nice but anyway muz thank samjo for the preview tixs yup. thanks bro.

*yawns* feeling so sleepy. haven been studying tis week which is totally bad. made a few feable attempts tht result in nothin cumulative though. anyway sometimes i still can't let go of memories of the past. they stick around and haunt u, popping up out of the blue all of a sudden. actually its mostly the fact of chi Os tht i can't let go; come to tink of it, it probably is the root of me saying tis. even though it isn't much compared to some of the worse things ppl go thr but no matter wad i do, it still remains stubbornly and poignantly ebbed in me. a sense of inferior complex does kick in at times which i try to overcome, but no matter wad i do it cannot be resolved, onli suppressed. i feel inferior tht i did not hit the mark, tht ppl r way better den me which i resent, not at them coz of jealousy or wadsoever, but rather at my inability to perform and to excel noeing veri well i could hav done better.

right now compensation is the onli way to prove tis untrue and correct my psychological viewpoint. fortunately, it's dormant usually and isn't the predominant issue governing my life; it onli surfaces occasionally wen i'm alone or juz smsing/toking and doesn affect me tht much or tht obviously. its a long way to go frm here but if i hold on, if we hold on, perhaps one day i can turn back and smile, noeing tht it had all been worth it.

2004-06-08T18:16:00.000+08:00

hey,

it seems tht i'm always blogging almost zonked out these days but well tis probably will change soon i guess. amazing i din fall asleep during class today considering how tired i was yesterday and the fact i realised bio lesson wasn't for me till tis mornin wen i woke and thus ended up waking an hour earlier. but i fell asleep on the mrt though. lost balance twice, throw in the fact tht i was leaning on the glass panel at the seat sides, it was rather hilarious. anyway the storyline for neon genesis evangelion is really interesting and the manga art is rather nice too. bought the first book 2 days ago and ended up going to kino at taka 2 get the 2nd today. actually intended to stardee a bit at taka library but well ended up finishing the comic there instead. well...

ok sunday went out and watch harry potter wif my sis and mum. wasn't tht good; story flow was totally off, it was way way way too jumpy. it was lyk they were trying 2 squeeze all the impt scenes and cut off completely all the rest. and the ending was lyk dropped totally in the middle of the climax building up. ok but i'll giv them due credit for the special effects. really well done. cept the werewolf of coz; it looked lyk some comical wolf tht has xtremely long arms, can't look scary for nuts and has been starved for a month or 2. and emma watson is much better looking now. haha, but tht's not relavent anyway.

mmm ok finally had our combined hike wif IJ yesterday. wow its FINALLY DONE. it started more den 6 months ago and has been on-going ever since wif so many changes made frm our original idea. a breather aft all tis while. of coz the last minute changes totally disorganized everything but well it was all right in the end i guess. and some ri boys muz learn to treat females and members of the same race: humans, not some wild, extra-terresterial being of the 5th dimension tht'll erase u frm the face of the earth if u approached em or something. -.-" and yash they still can't navigate... cadets these days can't navigate at all. where has all the common sense gone to? sad.

ok after the hike, had ulp campfire - as tradition we were invited back, though not officially tis yr due to the inefficiency of those ppl. anyway it was rather fun to be back together again, probably the last time we'll ever do so and for some the last time we'll ever meet. of coz tht doesn't apply to the POC com. haha. surprisingly quite a bit of ppl turned up despite all the hiccups. i din eat much though, couldn't bother too anyway. ended up toking to the instructors and each other. anyway was rather mean, kept teasing and scaring yiping throughout the session. ok i muz stop these bad habits; first was the ij v-chair now's the ij chair. i wun be surprised if some of the ij ppl i noe started killing me bout it. haha but u guys r too nice rite? =P anyway being more sombre and serious now, i shall offer my apology for all the stuff i've said to irritated u all, esp yiping for tolerating my rubbish on *COUGH* which i totally din mean one bit(sorry tis is censored out in respect of personal privacy) and scaring her by grabbing her neck 2 or 3 times and talks on the supernatural.

ok anyway which brings me to the question. which me exactly am i? i seem to be veri diff in diff situations and i noe tht i'm diff. tak for example me in class and the me tht was at the CT yesterday or say the me wen i'm alone online blogging or the me wen i'm toking bout serious issues wif zaidi. all of them feel so natural, so true, juz raw personality (ok cept maybe slightly not so in class) but they're like the diff polarities of the earth. all so distinguished and coming frm a veri rooted sense of personality individualism. so who exactly am i? who exactly is wad i truely am? seriously, i hav no idea. i'm not refering to the characteristics of a person lyk my horrendous spelling for example but rather the veri contrasting kind of behavior personified in dissimilar places and wif diverse people. mmmm.

ok anyway tht's bout it. probably shld start planning for my stamp exhibit due soon and start revising since ct is over and nth major on hand left but june camp. going for dinner now. cya everyone and take care.

2004-06-05T22:05:00.000+08:00

hello ppl,

been busy these few days and things hav been well rather tiring esp wif the upcoming events next week. extra holiday lessons, combined training, ulc campfire and of coz hu could forget our omnipresent tonnes and tonnes of hw.

alright on thursday went to the LOTR exhibit wif manyan. haha it was rather cool, and they really give veri detailed explainations on how the filming was done and all the special effects, props and all. the lighting was dim which created a rather dark ambience which was a good idea but it did impair reading by a bit. anyway the armours and weapons are all so exquisitely and intricatingly designed!! so cool!! and yah i was filling in the parts of the story to manyan coz she din finish the book/movie so yah. anyway the special effects section at the back was rather cool too. esp the device tht twiddled wif ur voice. rather interesting. =P

ok after tht we went to west coast park and unfortunately discovered tht it's juz a small plot of land beside the sea tht doesn't hav any beach at all wif sea air tht is totally infected wif the stench of carbon monoxide or some other gas. anyway ended up sitting on the sand pit toking. stayed there a bit den decided to head to toa payoh mrt station but halfway had the crazy idea of going to Sentosa coz it passed by the world trade centre and well we did. okok so i may slightly outa my mind well well haha wad can i say? i haven been to Sentosa in ages man esp w/o my family so lyk most of the newer or not so well-travelled stuff i hav been completely wiped off my memory. anyway we were there at siloso beach most of the time, cycled a bit too, but mostly splashing water at each other and all tht kind of stuff.

after which went to eat yoshinoya b4 going home. perhaps one word would fit perfectly: expensive. and i missed the maths test i was suppose to sit for in the morning coz it completely slipped my mind so ended up struggling wif relative velocity and all tht rubbish wif a half-awake brain and a totally geared down mentality. if tiong hwee din't call me i would hav juz slept on at 10am coz of recce the previous day. haha.

mmmm, apparently my sleeping hours hav completely gone haywire recently which leaves me slightly dysfunctional haha. yesterday was up doing proposals till bout 1+ and woke up at 6+ today to get to campsite. had to pass indra a whistle and decided to bring a puncher along coz well they'll probably need it if they were up doing proposals will lyk i dunno wad god-forsaken hour. met nicholas at the train station as well coz he also had 2 pass indra his unit tees and yah we were stoning there waiting for kenneth and indra to show up. suspected kenneth was late which he was and so we decided to walk 2 campsite. met couple of old instructors, shirly ma'am, jianfu sir and dolisa ma'am(dunno how 2 spell her name). surprisingly dolisa ma'am still rmbs frm ndp last yr so nick and i toked em into letting us in.

after which i went to nick's hse for a while and ended up playing ps2. his parents were veri gracious, good for him and thank nick for hosting me tis mornin despite the inconvenience. anyway ps2 is addictive man haha. wad can i say? i dun even hav a ps and i hav lyk no new games on my com. no gd games recently anyway. i can still taste the rush of adrenaline, the sweetness and the addiction. anyway nick met the grp and jianfu sir on the way back frm church later in the day while they were hiking. coincidence haha but well they're probably wondering wad the hell r these ri ppl doing.

alright flashback to yesterday. sat for the maths test in the mornin. dun ask, i hav no idea how i fared. it seem ok but i could hav been totally off and i wouldn't noe it. can't be bothered anyway. concentrating on the tables outside is strenuous. sides its not exactly counted. after tht rushed off to clarke quay for recce; tis time we were doing the checkpoints activities wif a smaller grp. by the time i reached, we were 2/3 done so it din last tht long. basically throughout the whole thing was constantly teasing the 3 of em. haha hell it was more fun tht way anyway yah but if any of the 3 of u r reading tis i'll say it again plz dun tak wad i said 2 heart. aft suntec went for an amazing expensive lunch at the food court again; burned up all the remnants monetary expenses i had. dawn left for a concert after lunch and yiping, yu ting, zaidi and i hung out a bit at carrefoure(again i dunno the spelling) and the bookfair at one of the convention halls b4 heading home.

ok anyway finally did something constructive today by finishing up the chem stuff due next week; had lyk no opportunity to do much stuff the whole week. anyay ok tht's bout it, dun feel lyk typing any more, my brain isn't even completely conscience but i'm wide awake. lol. bye ppl.

2004-06-02T21:36:00.000+08:00

vesak day,

a day for the commeration of Lord Budha and his teachings, a day for buddhist across the world to show their respect and faith in their religion by making a trip down to a temple to pray. frankly i can't rmb the exact details but well it shld be somewhere along these lines. my parents are well buddhist though they dun follow all regulations. naturally they would hav us follow in their faith. nothing visibly wrong wif tht cept tht fact i dun really believe in Budha and his teachings. sure they do mak sense but well the way buddhism has developed in singapore seems to hav deviated frm wad i hav been taught.

right, so here i was being dragged down to the temple. however the fact tht i wasn't veri earnest bout it and well to appease my mum and to show some form of respect to the religion i offered incense and did all the standard required protocol. being uncomfortable doing something i had no sincereity for, i got myself out of the temple asap. mmm perhaps its my own personal attitude. perhaps it my immature teenage mentality but well i find doing all these rather pointless. 1) chanting prayers u dun even understand. i mean come on if u dun understand wad is being chanted, u dun understand its significance which translates to the whole procedure losing its purpose in the first place. 2) offering incense to pray to Lord Budha to ask for good results/good fortune etc etc. aren't tis all a self-reflection of self-centeredness? they are juz merely asking for benefits for their personal self-gain. how will this help in attaining enlightenment? 3) pouring oil into the jars for the oil lamps? ok i hav no idea, if u waned to do a donation out of goodwill y do u hav to pour oil... 4) being blessed by holy water. blessing? for protection or good fortune? aren't tis more acts of self-obsession? mmm. the list goes on lyk ppl onli bothering to pray on vesak day. goes to testify how strong is their sincerity and belief in their faith.

ok i'm slightly incongruent now. feeling totally tired out by today's recce but well i tink i got my pt across hopefully. anyway since the teachers hav gone to the liberty of informing the whole world of our cts plans i'll juz said we had a recce wif IJ in the aft. yup, standard stuff for tis kind of activity, nothing really peculiar happened which din expect or din fail to notice. however it's highly likely tht i missed out quite a bit of stuff given the fact i was lyk walking relatively fast throughout the hike. haha oh well.

mmmm my mind is shutting down already. going to sleep soon even if my mum doesn't come chasing me off the com any moment now. good nite folks.

2004-06-01T20:05:00.000+08:00

hi,

all right nothing much happened today. i woke up in the morning and took a short jog in the park nearby my house realizing all too well tht my fitness is juz atrocious. the sun wasn't up yet and the air was so cool and still damp. veri condusive conditions actually, maybe i shld do tis more often. the air was juz so fresh and cold, revitalizing and invigorating. of coz tht would mean waking up so early ever day which would equate to not having a holiday in the first place. my mind's rather unresponsive at the moment, can't really think straight. was staring at a maths question hopeless before giving up and finally deciding to blog. i seriously hav no idea wad it means but well, heck i'll not bother bout it till my dinner arrives. which is lyk taking an eternity.

after which i tried finding my way to heartland mall to pass xiu wen some ri sch badges which was probably the most hilarious thing tht has happened to me in the recentlight of things. wif hindsight, i can blatantly comment tht i was utterly hopeless and stupid haha. apparently heartland mall is situationed at krovan mrt station. unfortunately i had no prior knowledge of tis and had no idea it was near a mrt station. so i took bus 25 to amk to change to 132 to reach the place. but the terminal had no 132 so upon asking the control station, i was instructed to board 136 which i did. however i realised i was getting nowhere. thus i alighted and found out tht it was conveniently situationed at krovan frm some lady so i took bus 317 to serangoon mrt before i proceeded to krovan. after which i realised i went 1 whole big round for nothing. result of poor communication and blind walking. bleah. no more brilliant plans next time, i'm sticking to traditional mrt routes.

ok dinner's calling. finally. i'm famished. cya all.

2004-05-31T20:03:00.000+08:00

crash and burn,

3 simples word to summarize the results of thoday's chi paper. proclaimed harder den last yr's dec chi paper by mdm tong, i probably and most likely did worse for tis den my prelims. which is rather saddenly coz i barely scrapped an a1 for prelims and tis would mean an even lower garde for the chinese paper. in tht case i suppose it would result in the inconceivably truth tht i shld not hav dropped hcl. perhaps if i knew tht tis would result, i would hav chosen to continue on and be tormented by hcl and the impossibility of the situation. but den again perhaps is such an intangible word and an impossible reality, i tried 2 mak the most worthy decision i deemed i could out of the deal of cards i got but maybe all the expectations, dreams and hopes hav all gone down in a blaze of unshined glory. however there's still this glimmer of hope. a speckle of light the the ever-consuming vortex of darkness but well, i'm not pinning too much hope on it. haha ironically and mournfully i was right yesterday wen i mentioned to liansheng i needed divine intervention to get tht almost insurmountable and inaccessible A1.

ok here was wad went wrong. for the compo i suffered frm some form of retardation which manifested in a mental blog and perhaps over-streched points. additionally my efforts to reduce the number of wrong written words were probably in futile. for the main paper, i made a mistake for both the tian zi and the zao ju. zong he was totally screwed i messed it up completely, barely passing. li jie ce yan well there were 2 unconfirmed ans and li jie wen da was probably the onli relatively satisfactory section but after the entire paper as a whole, i'm not sure. perhaps if i did well for oral and ting li, my chance of getting the 1 might be raised significantly enuff but well it all depends doesn't it.

the onli things i can say bout now are tht i tried my best to wrestle wif destiny to shape my fate and tht the on-going burden has finally been lifted. wif consequences of coz, and repercussions tht i'm not all tht willing to embrace. perhaps i might retry the eoy nov paper perhaps not. it all depends. first things first is to set priority for the upcoming common test and compensate for my inferior performance.

all right anyway after chi Os, we went and watch the day after tomorrow. rather nice and well-done movie wif cool special effects. i lyked the part where everything juz froze man. if u're looking for spoilers u'll find none here cept tht its the classic man against nature, man against himself man against antagonist kinda thing. and of coz there's the moment of victory for him in the end wif the president of united states kind of speech which we are all so familiar wif. but there r rather touching and sad moments in the story where u can almost feel the vibe and touch of human emotion, perseverance and determination and of coz there's the omnipresent subplot of our other protagonist's endeavors in romance and love but of coz he has his moments of triumphs and victory as well. anyway yah probably worth the 6.50 i spent on it but den it does remind me of titanic. both present the same elements in it, though perhaps lacking creativity here, it certainly makes up for the special effects but hey its not easy to write something bout man against nature and come up wif something of substancial standard. ok interestingly wad seemed to be the alarm system light was flashing during the movie for some reason which added quite a bit of flavour (perhaps something major happened outside =P)

ok i shalln't be prepertually bugged by today get on wif my life frm here. will mak a decision wen the time comes but rite now will focus more on upcoming cca matters, homework and other more pressing stuff. bye ppl.

2004-05-30T23:05:00.000+08:00

ok,

alright rightfully i shld be sleeping now but hey i'm juz gonna do a short post. i wasted my entire weekend twiddling wif my blog and am now regretting it. i feel so unprepared. not ready at all for chi Os. there's no time to elaborate on things so i'll keep it short. ok well wadever it is i'll juz leave it be. hopefully e constant hard work i've been putting in will pay off. it'll be such a shame if i dun get a1 for tis paper wen i got a1 for prelims. maybe i'll even followed in desmond's footsteps and get top for chi. haha. ok anyway good luck to all taking chi tomolo wif me and thank you to all those hu gave me thier best wishes. final destination is approaching. cya all.

2004-05-29T14:35:00.000+08:00

mmm,

the song i believe by tamyra gray is really nice. the lyrics are so eloquent and stirring with the silent backdrop of inspiration standing out so powerfully. the melody and tune is also really euphonious and harmonic. i've been listening to it non-stop ever since i got the mp3 compliments of aloysius. the only drawback is tht diana is not singing it coz i personally believe tht she can sing tis song better den fantasia. alas i hav 2 mak do wif the recording frm her live performance which isn't too bad at all...

anyway juz got back frm tuition for chi hopefully for the last time tis yr. after 4 yrs it comes to an end here. today. i'll probably see her again next yr (maybe not?) for a/o chi required for university admission but well today marks the end of secondary sch chi curriculum. tis is as cliche as it seems, the beginning of the end. it starts wif tis, den chi Os on mon which SHALL mark the end of chi until nxt yr for me. i preferably must get my a1 tis time. den it'll be passing out ceremony for rc. 16th june. 4 years of blood, sweat, victory and defeat. 4 yrs of probably the most impt aspect of my life. some ppl may tink rirc is a totally big mistake but well u nvr really gave it a chance to begin wif. anyway in another blink of the eye it'll be graduation ceremony and Os. and of coz it'll be goodbye to ri after tht.

its not tht i'm resistant to change. the onli constant in the universe is change. a paradox and an irony but well it's true. in fact i'm looking forward to going to jc. i probably juz had enuff of the atmosphere and mentality here. not tht i really detest it or anything but i guess i'm hungering for more den a constant, something new and refreshing, something tht will redefine the course of my life and perhaps add new meaning n purpose to it. purpose driven life? perhaps. but well its juz tht so many things hav happened in tis 4 yrs tht hav slowly moulded me to who i am today and ri has harboured so many memories, both good and bad, but all worth the experience.

i'll probably write more bout it in due course, right now my attention needs to be solidified on a caustic and blighting annoyance known widespreadly as the O level chinese language paper. by right i noe i shldn't be accentuating my feelings of animosity for chi but instead focusing on cultural appreciation to understand tis language but tht is technically not possible given the current situation and study trend. but well i'll giv it my best shot on monday and leave the merticulous hands of fate to determine my destiny....

-i believe in the impossible if i reach deep within my heart-
-overcome any obstacle, don't let this dream fall apart-

2004-05-28T20:21:00.000+08:00

woosh...

right now lets see how tis day was lyk. for starters, nothing much really went well. it was all a jumbled mess tht i could honestly do nothing much bout. but well we all hav these ups and downs in our journey somewhere and it takes e shape as our hist, our past and seeks to help chip tht marble block of our life tht time is so painstakingly trying to do. so nothing much we can really complain about really?

ok firstly, i would say tht our june holidays r so lyk gone. not tht i'm in any holiday spirit anyway so it's slightly better. apathy i guess. anyway if u throw in tonnes of revision exercises, monumental amounts of make-up lessons, a big exciting common test at e beginning of e sch term and such a letdown cca standdown coz of teacher related probs and u perhaps get a glimmer of the void coming up. and of coz to fantabulastically kick off e holiday mood we hav e nice big fat chi Os on e upcoming monday and my current state of preparedness for it is substancially close to nothing. memory lapse functioning indiscrminately in my neuro-physical self for chinese based characters i guess.

ok we'll go on 2 xplain the amazing flexibility of our teachers during e holis. i still rmbed tht e cca system in ri is supposed to be run by pupil leaders wif e teachers as facilitators. but apparently, tht's not e case in red cross anymore. e teachers might as well take up e post as chairman and the com can be changed to proposal-makers and e namings would be much better designed to suit e responsibilities of wad is left of e com these days. tak for example how our teacher in charge haphazardly revealed our training plans to the entire unit w/o consultation of us after she told some of e sec 3s bout it which translates into a complete disintegration of the teacher-committee relationships and teacher-committee function. or how they come up wif irrelevant ideas for e new com structure in a bid to improve it but r actually creating an bigger opportunity for strife to creep in. or say how they give whimsical excuses for not allowing war games coz a)it goes against e national water conservation plan the government is setting up (even wif rainwater) b) they'll slip and fall on the concrete even though we've done it for so many yrs and no major accidents has happened and coupled wif the fact tht we're playing on e astroturf and field. or say how they take chaerge of briefings or all major events wen or even after we've 2 briefed cadets, often repeating the same things we said. throw in their indomitable spirit to stick so strictly to the rules tht they become stagnant, almost complete siding wif parents all the time, decision 2 disseminate information directly instead of thr the com, long-windedness and impractical values on handling and organising activities and u sure got a handful of really good facilitators.

mymy tht was long. anyway tis results in so many issues: lack of respect given to teachers esp frm cadets, fuctional breakdown of relationship btw com and teachers, almost impossibility to achieve objectives of activities bla bla bla. in summary it leads to a unit downfall. now things hav complicated even further coz well mrs ang is expecting, eg more tempermental and all, ms heng is getting married and all we hav left is a idealistic mr andrew lim hu cannot think out of the setting, frm wad it appears, tht we r not the SAF and we r moving into the future, not travelling back into the past. i hav onli 2 statements to make bout tis: good thing we're passing out on 16th june and sec 3s, gd luck, coz u'll gonna really need it.

long long long. ok now i'll summarise the other less impt crappy stuff tht happened today. well kenneth apparently lost the standard fa badge he was suppose to pass to indra tht i passed to him tht has been passed down frm yuan shao to me and has been wif me for eons. the punch line is tht he lost it barely half an hour after i gave the badges to him. (man i really hav a problem typing the all over again instead of e) had chi xtra lessons on e last day of e term wen i could hav been out watching a good movie plus throw in e fact tht it was so agonizing sitting there wif tiong doing e prac papers tht r riddled wif so many blank statements. fortunately we had e company of som ppl hu helped relieve emotional and mental tendencies of psychological stress and over-exertion. and of coz hu could forget family day wif tht nice box of rendang tht is alll so appetizing -.-" its sitting in e microwave now probably allowing some micro-organisms tht onli glen would noe to complete the carbon cycle coz well, all of us ate at diff places b4 reaching home 2dae.

all right now for the coup de grace: e resolution for the jessie incident yesterday. it was a total absurdity, juz as wad i suspected yesterday. but unfortunately the reasons y tis was dones has been buried in the eternal sand under the guard of a hatchet. here is a rough recount, u can decide for urself how screwed up tis whole thing was for urself. she requested to meet me yesterday, being curious as i stated in my previous entry, i agreed. after reaching seimei, she told me she was at the night market selling goods nearly. i went in looking and she told me now tht she was a hardware shop which practically din exist. and of coz juz as i suspected she din follow e dress plan she choose to implement. (neither did i though) after i requested her to meet me at the entrance of pet safari she completely deviated off topic and told me she had forgotten something (y am i not surprised) and went back. in a moment of folly perhaps? and stupidity i agreed to meet her at her hse with the growing confirmation of the premonition tht tis was gonna be a stupid wild goose chase but since i was there i tot i might as well finish everything up. located in the heart of her housing estate i couldn't locate her hse (duh! its 40 guan soon ave or something) and she got annoyed. wen i reached she refused to meet me and told me to scram which i obligingly did coz i din feel lyk staying for tis maddness anymore. now y would someone go thr all tis trouble 2 play to play such a prank on me w/o revealing himself/herself at the end? wad would be the point of making me walk all the way to a private housing estate and back w/o doing anything else at all? and who did it? if it was not a prank, y did she constantly refuse to meet up wen she initiated the meeting? and how in the world did she find out my name and telephone number? and y did she suddenly get irritated at e end wen i reached her supposedly house and drive me away? and e biggest mystery yet, she claims i gave her my phone no. last yr wen i onli got tis phone no. tis yr. if i did give it to her last yr, she would hav smsed my sis coz she has my old no. not the new no i hav... mmmmm.

tsk tsk. i guess some stuff we'll noe some stuff we'll nvr noe and tis is prob one of em. an enigma nvr to be revealed. one of those secrets tht cling to you and taunt you to unveil em onli noeing they're perpetually beyond reach and enlightenment. anyway tht's all i hav 2 say for now. wish me luck for Os on monday ppl. anyway any1 interested to watch enternal sunshine of e spotless mind or troy wif me aft 31st may?? heh i really wanna watch there movies.

2004-05-27T18:11:00.000+08:00

ok,

i currently seem to hav an enigma on my hands. perhaps its someone (one of my classmates maybe?) playing a prank on me or it could veri well be someone else. or it could be i'm suffering frm selective amnesia and hav perplexingly blocked out tht section of memory frm my mind. or of coz i could be being lied to. or its a case of mistaken identity where i'm e wrng person who happens to hav e same name as e intended recipient. but it doesn't matter. since my curiosity has been hyped up, i might as well play tis on. if it was true a new frien wouldn't hurt. anyway i probably wun noe e ans anytime soon so we'll leave it at tht for now. tis seems kinda cliche and fictional but well it did happened to me whether any1 believes it or not.

ok so here goes. as stereotypical for everyday of tis week is, i was having xtra chi lessons aft sch. outa e blue, an unknown person smsed me asking if i rmbed hu she (i onli discovered tis later) was. apparently she knows me and my name somehow wen i dun even rmb meeting her. she claimed quite a few things mainly 1)her name is jessie (no reason to doubt tht yet but i dun noe any1 by e name of jessie) 2)she's frm st nics (as far as i can rmb i dun noe anyone frm st nics) 3)we meet last yr on e mrt where i gave her my no (her xplaination but tht's lyk sooo not e way i would behave) besides tht she was xtremely evasive in her conversations, often giving veri short ans to my questions tht she selectively choose to ans and coming up wif reasons lyk she forgot how we lyk meet supposedly. highly dubious if u ask me. e most intriguing part was tht she wans to meet up wif me. y? for no reason until further probing results in e rather illogical ans tht she misses me. =S now tht's ambiguous and totally bizarre. i din ask for further elaboration on tht though.

anyway if its all a sham i would lyk 2 meet e ppl pulling it off and y. if its not, i would definitely wan 2 meet tis mystery girl and find out e truth on wad's going on. i'll trying not to be so skeptical but tht leads to so many unanswered qns floating on e edge of my mental vision right now. who e heck is she? how come she noes me? wad's up wif meeting me all of a sudden? if i meet her last yr, y din i hav her no.? or y is she asking me 2 meet her onli now? mmmm. well we'll wait and see. sometimes life can be so full of surprises.

ok today was another day stamped frm e same rubber stamp as yesterday was. so exciting huh? cept we watched e contemporary version of Romeo n Juliet for double keen. if i understood more of wad they were saying, there weren't so many disturbances (changing of class, 4H coming back in e take their stuff) and our class had chosen to be more considerate and let some of us watch e show in peace it would hav been better. in e end it was still alright i guess but as i've said it once, i've said it a thousand times and i'm sure my class would agree wif me tht ms tang is suchhh a good teacher man. and yes, i din take today's maths test. it's been postponed to next week for tiong and me *yeah!* due to e upcoming chi Os *boo!* seriously i hope chi Os can be over and donw wif ASAP. its becoming e bane of my life for now juz lyk how i noe e rest of e other papers would be as well.

now wad else is there? nothing else new cept e fact tht i'm hungry, dead-tired and probably on e brink of falling ill again. yeah tht's bout it. adieu ppl.

2004-05-26T21:14:00.000+08:00

My inner child is sixteen years old!

Life's not fair! It's never been fair, but while
adults might just accept that, I know
something's gotta change. And it's gonna
change, just as soon as I become an adult and
get some power of my own.

How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

i did tis quiz a while back but was not in e mood/couldn't be bothered 2 post my results. now tht so many ppl r posting it tot might as well post it as well. call it psycological pressure frm peers. call it boredom wadever. it really doesn't matter does it? well i'd juz say its rather accurate but den again anything tis general can't be half-wrong can it?

if i could juz clone my day frm yesterday, or the day before, it would probably fit in perfectly as an entry. juz another day. nothing special. almost superfluous. another day gone by flashing wif no meaning, no impact and no remnant of its existance save a online entry of perhaps a few miserably words. life presents itself wif fewer and fewer opportunities to learn and grow these days. perhaps we r so blinded by the impending Os or rather the chi Os looming around the corner for me. so blinded so as to stop bothering bount the subtleties and minute details and focus mainly on an intangible and lofty aspiration tht i do not enjoy and appreciate.

of coz there r e ever resilient tests to constantly bug us wif their repulsive existance of our academic commitments and expectations. one after another, they fall and r completed, only 3 more arising to take their place. tak today's eng common test for example. in a rush of adrenaline and confounded stupidity, i probably screwed e paper up. hopefully i'll get some relatively substantial results, but tht again is a bubble of a dream resting on a thorny bush. bah. i'll juz wait and see.

perhaps my sanity is being subconsciously erroded by the build-up of stress on a spring. maybe one day i'll snap. desirably not. but the knowledge of the future is remote to all, we can onli wait and watch as it slowly unfolds itself. meanwhile i would lyk to apologise to leon for my slightly irrational behavoir recently. a thousand apologies. slightly psychotic yes but well hope u can tolerate it. =P anyway tht's probably bout it.

...........
to kenny, well admiration is not needed seriously. i dun deserve it. maybe tiong hwee but not me. i can onli speak for myself. life's nvr been fair, sometimes we r forced to do things beyond our control and against our bidding. we hardly do hav a choice. i'm, u could say, a victim on consequences. consequences for forsaking chinese. consequences i will hav to undertake and live with. given tis choice, we can choose to ditch in every last bit of strength we hav and be contented wif wad results we obtain, or we can totally let go and relinquish everything. i cannot bear to live wif the latter, noeing tht i had chosen to give up instead of try. therefore e former is e onli feasible option so yah tht's wad's happening. and tht is well not exactly veri admirable coz it wasn't based on a desire to excel but rather or a lack of choice and making e best of a bad situation.
...........

2004-05-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

man,

i just realised how bothersome life can become if ur com gets conveniently infected by a virus. abosulutely disgusting. e scaning itself is already bad enuff now toss in a totally unstable os and a sluggishly slow connection speed and loading time, u get one hell of a prob coz of 1 dumb trojan -.-" apparently my com got infected on sunday, right b4 my dad had 2 leave overseas which left me 2 clean it up myself. as if i hav tht much time . my dad did scan e com and clean up my com but it wasn't completely clean so everything was still problematic. furthermore e scan had 2 paused 2 ask wad i waned to do wif e bloody trojan it found and paused e entire scaning process, which defeated e purpose of leaving it overnight. wow. and wen it reached some certain file e whole system hanged. wow. wow. so now i'm stuck wif a half-done half-scanned com which i'm praying sincerely will work after i deleted tht trojan. (apparently everything seems 2 hav stablilised but den again i dunno coz my dad informed me tht apparently he might hav had some virus encriptions saved on tis com to study as part of his job related to net security: which perhaps means i deleted e wrong file) ok tht's it man, i'm so waiting for e day i finally get a com tht's MINE. as in a com i can do wadever i wan wif it.

yeah today attened NSW eng. ms tang had 2 sign me in for shang(i dunno wad his name is) coz he was absent, which isn't exactly a bad thing considering e fact tht i hav completely nothing 2 support wad i wrote for language abilities and intellectual abilities. e paper was quite ok i guess, hopefully i'll score well enuff to produce some presentable product to draft into my testimonial. maybe i shld hav participated more actively in NSWs haha but well reminiscing over it wun help.

alrighty, besides being late for chi tuition, nth elsed worth of mentioning today happened today. mmmm. not tht i can recall anyway. unless of course u count all those lame stuff we did in class out of pure boredom and youthful energy in excess. yestderday was probably juz as bad and dry. excluding e fact tht assembly was at least e slightest tag interesting mainly coz of all e jokes we were making bout it. it was bout copyright and illegal song downloading. e host gave out free cds during the QnA session and it was rather funny to watch some ri guys shamelessly contest for e free cds. not tht i'm trying 2 be derogatory in any sense but well it was juz plain amusing. and hilarious.

ok anyway recently been tinking of cca choices in jc(hopefully rj) ever since the talk wif wei lun on saturday. right now i hav a few choices to make mainly a) whether i shld join a sport (mainly fencing) and meet up wif mf and e j1s again) b) whether i continue my relunctant role in philatelic club (i hav no interests in stamps wad so ever but since i'm here i might as well continue rite? maybe not) c) whether i shld listen 2 wei lun's promotion and join e fa service club which isn't such a bad thing coz i already have a foundation base of fa (tis of coz would eliminate all e ug sections of it which many people have a fond distaste of. sides fa duty isn't tht bad) d) try to get a councillorship (which i'm considering) or e) try and join interacters. of coz councillorship, interacters and all would mean no sport cca or rather councillorship would practically mean almost no other cca. but well tht's still miles away so i dun really hav 2 bother bout it anytime soon.

right now it seems i hav 2 major papers coming up. an eng one tomolo for common test and a chi Os retest nxt monday, which leaves e interesting qn of y i'm still blogging now instead of say working on my horrendous spelling or pathetic chi. boing. anyway hopfully i'll do well, esp for chi Os, otherwise it'll be such a waste of effort. and tht'll mean more stormy seas to endure. sign.

ok gotta go pack my stuff, there're all over e floor. *bish* tomolo's another long day, another droning monotony in a cycle of vicious repetitions that lack freshness and ingenuity to capture and motivate e essence of human spirit to excel and to drive oneself for self-improvement out of borne desire. *ok wad e hell is tht?* ahh nvm... being totally crappy here. ahh so sleepy now. *yawn* gonna fall asleep on my com if i continue writing. ok, bye ppl.

2004-05-23T15:50:00.000+08:00

boing,

sheesh i dun seem 2 be getting anywhere. urgh been studying e whole day but haven covered much. ahh help. i juz can't stardee at home. after a while starting fiddling wif my pda or start hugging my dog den start doing dunno wad other stuff. tis is bad. Os r wad? next week after tomolo and i'm still liddat. juz can't find e bloody mood to study at home.... bleah.

ok yesterday founder's day. suxs suxs suxs man. we were eating at kfc and i was lyk looking at e menu. turned around toked to nicholas a bit and realised my phone was missing. tot i left it on e table but wen i checked it wasn't there. asked zaidi to call and guess wad it was off. surprise surprise. shit man. my deduction is tht it dropped outa my pocket and a bunch of secondary school kids (punggol seconday i tink) who were leaving at tht moment took it and disappeared. tis is lyk totally sordid way of losing a hp man. sooo screwed up. but well its inevitabily my own fault tht tis happened anyway. sign. so now stuck wif e old 7210. line number not changed though. i already got e replacement sim card. actually not having a hp may not be a bad thing. my mum can't irritate me all e time by calling incessantly. lol.

ok e actual founder's day wasn't tht bad. e parade segment went on quite smoothly yeah. yours truly, e parade commander, din screw up =P actually it was quite well done la. compliments to all those hu took part in e parade for all ur efforts. but well e sch as usual doesn't recongnise it as much. more attention and appreciation were given to e sports display rather den e parade ppl. ahh well not can't really complain since i chose to agree to take up parade appointments anyway. ok e hall ceremony, well din really pay tht much attention. no 1 came in late; had to change up. no 2 i was so tired after e parade so ended up dozing most of e time no 3 well it was rather boring to me la. anyway after tht had refreshments. it tasted quite sucky compared to e food at e reception. it was onli later tht i realised i was formally invited to it. -.-" yah. anyway it din really matter coz there was quite a lot of food. after tht ended up toking 2 wei lun bout RJ life in e sick bay. left at 9+ wif wei lun and was lyk he was telling me rather interesting stuff bout rj. rather attention-grabbing actually and so much surprising stuff haha. apparently, life and inter-personal politics complicate much more. until u adjust tht is. but e change and complications may not necessarily be a bad thing though. depends on e way u look at it and e result it brings for e different personalities of each individual.

oh anyway we watched shrek 2 on saturday. e sec 4s at least while giving e marching contingent a loonnggg break. it was rather good actually. veri funny wif all its jokes on fairy tale characters and other movies. alien, haha puss in boots was xtremely funny, and cute wen it(he rather) gave u tht innoecent, mournful look. =P anyway i could copy and paste a movie analysis right here but tht would be pointless wouldn't it? go watch it. quite good movie. but e onli thing is tht e themes r rather similiar to e original. on e surface its bout fighting fer ur right to love but on deeper analysis its morebout fighting and going against traiditon, fighting fer ur own destiny, fighting fer ur own right to choose. anyway i was laughing bout almost e whole show. anyway here's a small extract of it. i'd tot of putting e innoecent cat face but well, so many ppl hav it up already haha =D

ok back to mugging. or least trying to mug. bye...

2004-05-21T21:25:00.000+08:00

wahh,

man y is blogger giving me so much probs? first couldn't view any blogspot web den took forever to log in and open up e posting page. bleah. my com's behaving strangely too. maybe bout time to get a new one? *smiles* haha. i wish. nope not e time nor place anyway. besides it'll be rather idiotic coz it'll still be in mym room :: the room my parents r using coz e air-con in theirs spoilt. irony. -___-" lol nvm.

yes so today was so tired coz of yesterday's band concert. went wif vanessa and well e class probably started fabricating far-fetched fantasies bout her and me being an item. haha big joke. and nicholas and patrick even considered e possibility tht she was my sis... haha. ok i shall say it well for e last time after all e xplaining yesterday night and its up 2 u wadever u choose to beliff anyway: she's my mum's secondary sch days best friens daughter and i've known her all my life. i meet her bout once a yr so we're quite close yet quite distant altogether. rather peculiar relationship actually haha. oh and i discovered kenny and her were classmates. e world's a small place =P ah so u guys dun hav e be so overly curious la. oh anyway tht reminds me. i saw urm.... wj at city hall mrt wif someone too. heh. no wonder he din turn up for band. but nvm not much of a big deal anyway.

yah we went to eat at city hall tink outa e pan of something -- yes crepes. which was quite exp n not veri filling. heh. (yes i noe vanessa u din eat anything cept fer chocolate ice-cream) but well anyway we meet jonathan outside later (i seriously din see u jonathan so dun blame me for daoing u). anyway e performance by RIMB was great man! totally awesome. quite worth the money and time. of coz besides e fact tht e clapping was pathetic and e emcees were so lame. haha but wad can u expect frm imran and azizul as so to speak? but it still rox anyway =] good job and oura was quite cool, as well of some of e band members. haha they're soo, soooo animated and urm melodramatic wen they play their instruments. *no offence juz a statement* after tht her and me went to e esplanade and toked by e river b4 going home. or rather until our parents kept pestering =P heh wen i reached home was so tired fell asleep lyk almost immediately.

2dae had a looonnnggg day coz there was tis chi compo wiritng class after sch till 2+. went 2 tampines to get a hair cut... for founder's day tomolo. yah needed to buy a new stylus too but they come in sets of 3. so was lyk -.-" marketing strategy man. now broke and guess wad. i haven pinned up my uniform wow... nvm there'll be a lot of time tomolo doing nth. good as well, can practicing some commanding. i hope i dun forget my commands or anything haha but highly unlikely la. (yes i noe it sounds a bit ego but well i seriously tink so anyway haha) oh yes tht reminds me, i can make use of e chance to polish my boots. might as well rite??

boing boing. shall go offline now. cya ppl. until founder's day:

ring ring....
hello?? hello??
*silence*
-huh? huh? huh?-

okok tht was lame. >.<"

2004-05-19T20:12:00.000+08:00

hello ppl,

juz got back after founders day. yeah full dress 2dae. went much easier tis time round but unfortunately din hav a drill cane. hq onli had 2 to lend us -.-" so yah used e npcc coz e ncc pace stick was well too heavy and impractical. sides i dun hav tht funny pocket 2 hold it in place. anyway rich got suaned by some indian teacher coz he spiked his hair and it was slightly brownish. lol. hopefully i can get e BB cane anyway. its supposed to look nicer. boing. oh yah, tis time e other pe teacher stopped commenting on my commanding as much already. which is a good thing i guess. juz tht there's one lil prob. where r e gep sec 4s (excluding jasons and clarence of coz)?? i'm so sure they all couldn't mak it fer founder's day. geezes. mmmmm... oh yash finally passed clarence his present after so long. lol.

wad else happened today? oh yah during eng lesson, we went to watch some event boys can cook too coz i propsed it 2 ms tang. *shakes head* not tht i'm upset over it but haha nice way 2 spend eng lesson. seriously ms tang has too much time. e sch management shld redo their time tables haha. oh and i realised ri boys can't cook at all man. dun noe wads a bit of chili -.-" yes they poured a bit(the whole container) into their dish and they haven gotten e faintest clue of wad a celery is. god. e food looked nice but well tasted horrible. i sampled a bit, hopfully wun get food poisoning or anything haha. anyway apparently according to my frien, i was caught on tv sampling food -____- lol. anyway e results were crap. after much deliberation, everyone was joint first wif all grps getting 50 bucks ntuc vouchers. y am i not surprised? *rolls eyes*

oh and ss topic on education was such a government sterotype kind of qns. c-r-a-p-p-y writing propaganda man. good thing i din stardee tht much anyway. oh e monkey came back to our class in e morning. haha maybe as jonathan said its permanently attracted to haisong. lol. oh my class has recently gone crazy over pda games too. my pda more specifically. they're using it more den me =P a result of boring lesson.

wad else? guess tht's bout it. rimb performance tomolo. hope it'll be good. right now so tried. wished i could juz go and sleep. anyway no test fer e rest of e week. yeah. and unfortunately there's a vector test nxt week. so gonna die haha. tak care people...

2004-05-18T19:34:00.000+08:00

ok man,

tht was totally shocking man. how badly has e sch system degenerated? i mean is there such a need 2 put so much stress on ppl, even over-stressing them, to the point of mental exhaustion? but even tht isn't a veri buyable explanation. she's a veri experienced teacher having taught in st nics and rgs b4 surely even stress frm sch management wun hav tht much effect? i mean sudden emotional outburst juz lyk tht in e middle of class is for no apparent reason at all is well, freaky. but i salute her dedication to teaching. somehow i feel there's something more troubling her. something veri personal tht probably has a veri big impact on her life. yet she continued on even after tht episode, despite e awkward and embarrassing moments fer her. she continued teaching in class, fulfilling her duties and well overcoming her ordeal. and yes some ppl really need to learn more on how 2 deal wif ppl. i mean u dun go asking her in front of everyone y she cried rite? man bryon... even if u were concerned go approach her outside class la. giv her some consideration and breathing space man. if tht was u, u'd feel worse rite? more humiliated. more mortified. more discomforted. but well wad's done is done anyway.

i do seriously hope tht ppl in our class dun go around spreading it negatively to everyone bout it and i do hope ppl hu hav read tis will not openly go about gossiping bout it as well. touchy issue. plz be considerate and at least appreciate e fact ur chi teacher may be facing some probs so be nicer to her man. she's a compassionate and highly committed teacher. juz look at how she stays back almost everyday to giv ppl chi xtra lessons man. haish.

ok i guess i died fer lit test anyway. but den not tht really surprising la. ss test tomolo on education. yup den no more test fer e rest of e week and e term maybe? but there's still e chi Os on 31st may. sometimes i still reminisce about tis lost opportunity. wonder bout how my life would hav been diff and will be diff and get a sorta inferiority complex on e fact tht so many ppl got their a1 but not me. haish but anyway its over so no pt crying over spilt milk is there?

anyway on e bright side of things tiong hwee seems 2 hav his comdition stabilized. well more or less at normal levels anyway. yup there's a potential donar in japan and 2 (or 1) not as compatible ones in taiwan. rite now he's waiting her results frm e us yup. if all goes well he shld be able to do e transplant in dec after Os and he has his medical cost fully insured. so yah its e best outa of tis misfortune. he deserves tis new chance at life anyway. he deserves it i guess more den a lot of ppl. anyway keep him in ur prayers ppl and giv him ur good blessings.

ok anyway lets see. sides e ss test there's still founder's day parade tomolo. full dress yup. hav to pin up my uniform tomolo. oh yes i still hav e edit my testimonial again and send it 2 mr kwa coz i din do it yesterday. -.-" also yah happy b-dae to u sean. haha sorri forgot to wish u in class. anyway how was troy?? apparently there r so many potential movies coming out tis yr and it has 2 be in e yr of our Os. wow. ahh well wad can i say? ok tht's bout it. chill ppl.

2004-05-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

mmmm,

y r my weekends so busy? they seem even busier den sch days man. tsk tsk. and i promised 2 stardee chi on my weekends but well... unlikely.

swim carn and hse carn on sat. wow go hullett. lol. but well at least we did put e time 2 good use. and ms heng does hav an interesting way of interviewing ppl. cept tht once someone starts tis way. everyone will continue tht way so mmm. dunno wad exactly she infered though. rather interesting 2 find out. anyway i shalln't bother 2 comment bout fa duty. simply it wasn't good.

yeah den we went fer a long walk in macritchie. meant fer e sec 3s. well they sorta din plan it properly though. we had to tell em sooo much stuff. i dunno how they're gonna tak over. anyway there was tis point where e shallow river was flowing in low tide and i was lyk trying 2 get to it. well unfortunately i stepped on some seemingly hard ground but well it was mud and my whole shoe or rather half of it sank it. -.-" so fun. and later fer some reason we climbed a viewing tower. and made so much noise man... haha. well wad can i say?

sun... mmm went fer some aids awareness thingy. din intend to stay but well there was some management probs so ended up staying. i wun say how educational it was coz i din really listen. but well dor maam came up 2 me and said my cadets din noe how 2 wear their uniform. omg. she also commented tht tht 4 of our cadets din wear belts. wow. so honoured *bish*. i gave her a satisfactory reply tht we were awaiting replacement though. haha.

anyway e most interesting thing was tis guy hu started toking to us b4 e thing started. he talked bout all sorts of stuff. bout meeting perverts at century square (yes i noe its crap) to e fake fainting stunt he pulled on his frien to criticism of some religious beliefs. raymond teo i tink. he gave me a receipt and stamped his name on it but i kinda losted it i tink. oops. so evil rite? haha. yah and he stayed back e whole time but well i was a bit kinda trying 2 avoid toking to him. well... found him rather well intriguing.

today boring sterotypical day. yeah. oh aft sch chi was a killer man. frm a 1/2 hour meeting my teacher had 2 go to turned out 2 a 2+ hour meeting. wow. oh my testimonial is so blow up haha. if it gets through i really dunno wad to say. serious.

lit test tomolo. poems. great. so excited. i can't be bothered to memorise e poems man. there's still e eng compo to write. and i'll edit some stuff on my testimonial to mak it longer bah. haha.

countdown to chi Os: 14 days :: i'm sooo wanna totally get over wif tis.

****
omg. wad the hell was tht man. i was reading jonathan's blog den suddenly there was tis deep loud explosion. its not thunder. -.-" reminds me more of a bomb exploding =S dunno. and there was tis vibrations running thr my room too. but everything outside seems normal. maybe someone's microwave exploded. weird. did anyone else hear it??
****

2004-05-14T20:56:00.000+08:00

Angst. You are an angel of angst. Once one of
water. But your depression has caused you to
become an outcast. You love to be by yourself,
as it helps you think. You have always, and
always will wonder what has gone wrong. Your
soul has been shattered, and your wings are in
peices. But that's just you. You spend your
days searching for something. Not someone.
Though you don't know what you are looking for.
You don't even remember who you are. And are
always trying to find that person, yourself,
your soul. Which seems to have been misplaced.

But. When you find what you are looking for, it
will become clear. All tragedy will be ripped
from your wings, and your true colours will
show. And then, you are the most powerful of
them all.

Hang on, keep looking for it is there. Just try not
to loose all you hope and become nothing. For
you are truly beautiful.

What Type Of Angel Have You Become?
brought to you by Quizilla

2004-05-14T19:30:00.001+08:00

all right,

tired as usual wad else am i besides tht these days? anyway 2dae was well mmm i dunno a bit crappy i guess. ok maybe a lot. and i'm getting pissed off by e sec 3s as well now. tsk tsk. dunno wad e heck they're trying 2 do.

ahh testimonial due on monday. wad e hell, how in e bloody world r suppose 2 compliment urself man. sheesh i'll probably get grossed out writing bout myself or something. if there's anything i can't write, well its bout myself. overdone flattery isn't something i'm exactly comfortable wif. maybe some kind souls can help write one fer me and i'll copy paste and edit e stuff haha. but well we dun hav a choice anyway. either tht or being frank, i'll choose e former. so nothing 2 complain bout. and man daniel quek's testimonial is absolutely amazingly filled wif stuff... makes me feel lyk i've done nothing at all. -.-"

all right, e sec 3s really need change their mentality man. all they do is dream. they envision the start and the end but can't coordinate their middle steps w/o us pushing. or can they try 2 help themselves for their own good. well some really need a reality check. big time one man... applying fer post wif so much responsibilities wen they can't even manage themselves. ask em 2 fall in they tak us fer granted till we shouted at em. ask em 2 keep e sick bay clean. they try insubstantially den giv up. they din get e hint tht if 2 ppl can do so much, a whole com can do even more. ask em to change 2 half u, they take forever and some din bring boots pants pe shirt bla bla bla. wow. so blown over. not a veri comforting sign. they as usual tink they're ready to tak over. unfortunately realistic views and idealogical views differ more often den not. sign.

ok founder's day commanding is gonna be sooo fun. so much stuff 2 rmb and well need more practice. first run through was ok but after tht, my voice, well, died. haha. ask e ppl there... oh i needa slow down my commanding speed. too fast according 2 mr j wong. well not my fault exactly coz all e while we've been doing it liddat. anyway toking bout mr wong, he made me go get him a loudhailer(wadever u call tht) and mr azhar made me coming into e pe room again and again coz i forgot sir(S) and all tht. LOL. lyk it matters THT much. waste of time... crappy. anyway yah besides our sec 3s displaying sloppy standards and of course most of e sec 4s disappearing during training (worse still i saw either one of e mok twins at j8 later and they ran off -.-" god.) and some sterotypical rugger comments situation and my voice dying it was ok i guess. but now so shack...

oh after tht went wif zaidi 2 get clarence a b-dae gift. if it weren't fer his LDP group i wouldn't hav known. and trust me 2 be wif him fer 4 yrs already and not noeing while his ldp grp came all e way frm nanyang and some other sch 2 giv him their present. tsk tsk. so ashamed. anyway yah zaidi and i shared a gift. some anime figurines. hopefully he'll lyk em. anime crazy clarence, i wish u happy b-dae in advance.

oh yah i missed my tuition thanks to parade prac. chi tuitor will be so pissed. well wad am i suppose 2 do? PC skip it? haha oh well. ok maybe after tis i'll go watch van helsing. =P on vcd. or maybe i'll juz go to sleep. chow ppl...

2004-05-13T19:25:00.000+08:00

dusty!!!

phew. spent e whole afternoon redoing e sickbay decor wif zaidi. dumped A LOT of useless stuff and completely shifted e furniture. bye bye old and retarded unusable stretchers that are completely spoilt now due to e firedrill on saturday... bye bye tonnes of boxes and other irrelavent paper materials... haha well maybe we dumped some evidence of our hertitage along but well wad e heck. i doubt it'll make any negative impact. in fact e sickbay looks much better now. *=P self-praise lol* yesterday if u walked in u'd tink there be no space fer say 10 chairs but today well. its a completely diff story. and u'd be surprised at e amount of dust accumulated man... geezes. ddduuussstttyyy. tot i was gonna get sick or something. which isn't tht bad coz tomolo there's founder's day parade prac and phy test. urgh. ok yah and we also had interesting encounters wif a lizard and a surprising large bee. lol...

ok yah enuff bout e sick bay. today was damn crappy man. bio double maths double eng den physics. onli thing interesting was e physics demo after sch. soo cool man. electromagnetism demo heh. it's tis kinda things i wanna see and learn for science man. not wad ac generator and dc motor. tht's so boring and dry.... well tht'll onli be revelries of my deraged imagination w/o e clovers and e bees. lol. i'm starting to sound a bit lyk u kenny haha.

ok man. i really gotta say tis. sometimes ppl try to much to help and interfere they complicate things up. well tak today fer an example. apparently my tic has always treated us as sorta p sch kids. well in a sense tht she wans to do things tht e com shld be doing herself. perhaps she doesn't trust us. perhaps she feels its too impt and she needs to personally be there in order to deliver e importance of e message. budden tht's a reflection and self-confession of lack of trust isn't it? well no 1, she is handling everything related 2 e candlelight memorial herself. tht shld be handled by e sec 3s. no 2 she took 2 initiative to inform e sec 3s of our plans tht were suppose 2 be kept in secret and meant as a surprise. y? coz perhaps she felt e sec 3s shld be given a chance to bla bla bla. she din consult us and now 6 months of work has gone down e drain. simply in a nutshell coz she took matters into her own hands wen she din understand e whole situation. mmm tis prob has been going on fer quite a while already. ever since mr ling left which sorta means things r harder 2 accomplish. i can write more stuff but well tht's not e pt izzit? i tink i'll get zaidi 2 go tok 2 her after we pass out. so much stuff 2 tell her man. hopefully e sec 3s will hav a proper time. haish well now we can onli salvage e situation.

ok man my dad is sometimes sooo irritating. geezes. he uses the com to play eo lyk e moment he gets home till dunno wen so its lyk i can't use it 2 come online or anything sianz. but tht's not e worse part... e worse part is wen he gets super pissed off over a small matter tht can be solved wif a calm attitude and he showers his fabulous temper all over my mum, my sis, my cousin and myself. haish everyone will get so worried and upset until it blows over. yesterday was lyk he lost a piece of paper wif some bank account no and everyone din dare say anything 2 him including my mum. and she was lyk sooo worried wen she heard wad happen coz she might hav packed it away. i mean man can't he juz control his temper esp towards my mum?? mmmmm. well wad say do i hav anyway. he provides me wif so much stuff i dun really hav any right 2 criticise do i?

ok la tht's bout it fer now. needa study fer physics. dad came back he'll prob start playing soon. =S tomolo's gonna be a bz day. juz hope i wun be late fer chi tuition... haha yup. yawn... really dun feel lyk mugging...

2004-05-10T20:32:00.000+08:00

hmm,

finally covered my weekend phew. today was well bboorriinngg. wad else man? sterotypical long day... nothing much really. will get down 2 mugging once again wen i'm finished i hope. I HOPE. haha Os r coming....

ok well i got 1 thing 2 say to e jason and jin yu. well i noe u've contributed quite a bit yah. jason probably more. zaidi and i waned 2 let it slide but well mrs ang insisted we'd punish u. u may tink i'm hypocritical but i dun really care coz tis is how i feel. well anyway those stuff r well ur way on contributing back fer e lost time la... i tink its more practical and better den writing a report huh? but well we're trying 2 be as fair as possible yup. we dun lyk doing tis but i guess we hav to now. sorri. anyway somehow i feel jason is gonna do 90% of everything but nvm.

anyway on e spur of e moment. decided to buy 2 band tixs. haha yah now hav to find somebody 2 go wif me yup. e price to pay fer rashness. apparently i'm on an event spree as well. last yr already. go fer everything la haha. but after e blazing glory of e setting sun, u feel so sick of e darkness again. worse den b4. e void is there wen e spirit rush is over, wen u're walking back home, walking back into life. is it worth it i do wonder some times? well i guess it all depends on how u see it. everything is fleeting. so yah juz seize wadever chance u hav 2 enjoy life i guess. flowers fade. people die. the sun sets huh? well at least it sets in a blaze of glory. tht's wad i tink. yah.

ok enuff crap. sick of writing so much... back to life and mugging and more mugging. i can't wait fer tis yr 2 be over man.. cya

2004-05-09T19:56:00.000+08:00

lalala,

i'm on a blogging marathon man... so crappy.

all right sunday ORA walka-jogathon or however u spell it. oh met nicholas and jason on e train. and later mr wee. haha. liyong u noe mr wee complimented ur writing skills? =P and ur i-learning din do tht badly after all those funny stuff u added in too. lol. did i mention e t-shirt looks ugly????

ok. e jog or rather walk was well rather urm... i dunno. interesting? lol. we were all walking so slowly den abel chong ren wei kwang and joel decided to well speed up a bit. till 7-11 of coz wen aw and kwang went to 2 get some stuff den din see em after tht. yah it was soooo sianz e route if not fer e fact tht i kept on teasing abel haha. oh abel did u noe tht at 1 pt of e route at e rg bloc rite wen u past there was some rg gal tht exclaimed leacher? haha. i was lyk totally wad e heck is she toking bout man lyk we waned to buaya or anything..... lol. din noe if u heard anyway =S we walked till bout ulu pandan cc den ran e rest of e way yeah.

and e food and fun fair was well quite pathetic actually. i expected a bit too high maybe? nth much to do there. lucky draw was a pity fer samjo. he missed e top prize by 1 number and i missed e 7th prize or something by 1 number too. haiz. apparently none of e ri guys got anything, cept zhao yu budden he urm... haha. nvm shalln't say. yup was walking around wif manyan most of e time. bugged by edwin and eugene 2 buy stuff. and eugene conveniently changed me in ora coupons wen i bought something frm him haha. got cheated... yah so manyan and i were toking most of e time rather den doing anything else. oh yah later went in to e slaughter hse wif xin cong and his other frien manyan and her friens din wanna go coz it was too exp yup. haha den there were these bunch of rg sec 2s in front of us they went in and were so freaked out tht they were to scared to move so we waited 4ever to go in. -.-" serious. anyway wen we went in i were lyk urm not too bad la. but we weren't freaked out at all. cept maybe e rg sec 1 frm e other grp. haha yah.

ok yah left at 10.30 wif manyan and 2 of her friens we meet b4 going into e slaughter hse. urm a certain geraldine and jia rui if i'm not mistaken. interesting geraldine is reaginal's (dunno how 2 spell his name) brother. and jia rui noes quite a bit of ppl in my class. (yes jonathan i realised she told u everything already. =P) yah well had to go home early. so yup. bought a rose fer my mum b4 we left and it was diagnosed quite dry but hey.... i can't pick flowers der nuts haha. yah was slacking bout at home till 4+ wen my dad asked if i waned 2 go 2 bugis wif him. i agreed well... which was a mistake i guess.

ended bout walking around doing nothing coz my dad was entertaining his 2 ex-colleagues. visiting frm thailand fer a training course yup. din do much. din get anything either. juz ate quite a bit and burnt my tongue. urgh. and and there was e standard stuff going on wen working ppl meet. office politics come into play geezes. can't stand tht man. haish but wad can i say or do?? nothing. ahh well. yah tht was bout it... lousy way 2 spend ur afternoon and evening sunday...

2004-05-08T19:32:00.000+08:00

wow,

tht took longer den i thought. nvm sat and sun wasn't really tht busy.

today woke up late fer training. apparently, my sis woke up and offed my alarm clock and she din bother waking me up. urgh. was late fer training. din hear it ring coz, well i was too shacked frm yesterday night yup. geezes... such a good example man.

trng well as usual e sch admins is totally screwed. they gave us classrooms meant fer e tuitor scheme. geezes can someone do something bout tht? are those admin ppl paid to do admin? so y are they so bloody irresponsible? tis is lyk e how-many-millionth time already. besides tht and e fact tht everyone was in rc uniform and it was at a slower pace den normal and tht i tooked e key frm e sec 3s coz they left it lying around trying to see if they noticed and they ended trng late, trng was generally ok. tht is if i ignore e fact tht we had a case of a sec 1 losing his shirt and taking another guy's... and e way mrs ang sorted it out was well. not veri bright. n jason and jin yu leaving half-way during trng and jason telling her he was in e rc room wen she asked zaidi if e rc room was locked b4 tht. haish. saddening... bud den our term is ending soon yup. e sec 3s will inevitabily hav 2 noe bout all our probs anyway and i pray it doesn't repeat in their batch man.

ok after tht went to cathay 2 check wif lost and found. apparently wen i asked some cleaner guy bout it he shouted at me coz he said he wasn't in charge of it and gave me a lecture too o_O so much fer singaporeans being helpful and honest eh? can't even ask a qns politely and get a polite answer. geezes wad is society becoming man. so self-centered.... din find it anyway. nvm la i guess. yup went home after tht den went off 2 bugis 2 swap my earphones. apparently my mum was also at bugis -.-". sianz. ok la it wasn't tht bad. bought some new clothes yup *smiles* but well i'm afraid 2 go out wif her coz she's one of those well... slightly self-focused typical singaporean shoppers. sad to say seriously but can't stand her some times. she picks on 60 cents stuff but does spare a second thought wen it comes to decorative stuff at home. geezes. ok yah weng saw me at bugis but i din notice her. haha. so i'm blind la...

yah tht was bout it cept tht my mum nearly got into a quarrel wif e sony guy coz he was reluctant to change my earphone set yup. and i was lyk oh man again... oh yah dug out my sis's copy of sing 2 e dawn and finished reading it wen i got back. i still hold my sentiments fer e play though and e story as well. rather beautiful and touching story. a tale of e struggle against society and tradition. bout how perserverence brings about a change and how one person is well in control and can control one's own life. but well i dun really feel lyk doing a theme analysis here. time doesn't suit my purpose anyway... oh my dad came back frm medan and e fantabulistic lake there. lol. and he coped e com since e moment he got back which means... no com fer me. bleah. yah tht's y i'm onli blogging now...

2004-05-07T19:06:00.000+08:00

hello.

ok i probably hav quite a bit to write so yah i'll split it into 3 entries yup haha. tis one's fer friday.

ok today's e day we celebrate world red cross day yup. sign as per normal, most of e sec 4s weren't there fer e morning parade and din wear their uniforms. well wad can i say? its become a cycle already. every year tht happens and every yr ppl change up b4 e day ends too yup. onli a few lyk bothered. nth much u can do bout it really i guess. well it rained anyway fortunately there was no hall assembly yup. so we took our pledge in e atrium. unfortunately npcc too which meant tht all their training fer rifle drill went to waste. and yah tht made it easier as well coz e sch din hav 2 stand at e astro turf waiting fer 2 speeches haha.

had a realli slack day. chem made aspirin. cool. its tis kinda stuff tht makes lessons interesting again haha. enuff va and qa fer a while man. getting sickening. bio test.. tink did relatively fine. hist went to lt to listen 2 a true account of e cultural revolution. quite educational yup sides e fact i was late coz some guy hurt his foot and i had to dress it and i fell asleep a bit during e period. e speaker (she's a teacher rite) well, haha all i can say she's veri animated =P *bish* den was cca verification and rushed to e lt 2 review e prelim paper...

ok shalln't write too much if not i'll be blogging e entire night haha. ok after tht went to watch a movie wif xw. (shalln't state ur name here. some ppl were already bugging me fer it) it was either dawn of e dead of 50 first dates but since 50 first dates had a better recommendation, we choose e latter. den went 2 eat dinner at yuki yuki. MAN i'm nvr going back 2 tht restaurant again. its extremely exp and e service is disgusting. and they dun even serve u ice water. oops sorri wrng choice i guess. sorri. 50 first dates well rather ok la. quite interesting idea fer a comedy but din really hav me laughing tht hard. haha but overall it was quite ok yup.

after tht went to watch e rp production. xw was heading fer a violin concert and e esplanade and yah ho chuan saw us together at e mrt. well well wad can i say? wad goes around comes around. haha. anyway yah apparently every1 knew i was out wif xw and made a fuss over it. thanks abel haha. wad i dun quite understand is y ri ppl r so hard up wen ppl go out wif a girl. i'm not e onli victim btw. =P ok was there i realised i left something at cathay. ahh nvm. back on topic, e production was quite professionally done yup except fer 3 things. no 1 most of em can't sing. i tink they were too ambitious to attempt a musical really haha. no 2 well i tink e rgs actresses outshown e ri ppl sadly which aren't as talented. no 3 i dun understand y they choose sing to e dawn yup. its a beautiful and touching story but well there are other more beautiful and touching stories. maybe coz it was e most suitable musical wif a script they could get their hands on? haha. anyway it was still quite good overall. anyway cheng chai ur last appearence rox!! LOL.

yeah we hung around after tht doing absolutely nothing. juz walking around drinking a bit den going home -.-" yup. singapore has NO nightlife man haha. and we were so dumb. lol. tht was bout e whole of my friday in a nutshell yup.

2004-05-06T20:17:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to me,

haha yah its my b-dae today. sweet 16 yup. NC 16 movies haha!!! finally. yes yes i noe its a bit late -.-" (i can juz imagine jonathan suaning me haha) but better late den nvr. din really tht interesting day though. seriously felt lyk almost any other day. =P oh i would lyk to thanks everyone hu rmbed my b-dae too. yups.

anyway ok well. got back my chi prelim marks today. yeah! got my a1... pleasent surprice. ok now i got inspiration 2 mug harder fer Os lo. haha den still blogging ehh? bad cedric. anyway yah will worker harder and try 2 get a1 fer tis june paper. i really appreciate my chi teacher fer putting in so much effort yup even though e xtra lessons r sickening, they help haha. bout 25 more days left. yup. its now or nothing i guess.

ok screwed my chem and maths test today i tink. but forget it. its over. there's a bio test tomolo. gotta study later. still gotta pin my uniform. rc day being celebrated in schs tomolo so yah. hopefully it'll rain haha lol. save a lot of trouble. rc and npcc and chem later is a long prac too. u dun neda be a psychic to predict e results. haha. anyway seriously rc day has become more den a burden den anything. some ppl dun even noe bout world red cross day. some ppl dun wanna wear their uniform for even 1 day. some ppl can't be bothered. ahh well. anyway its e world red cross day. so hopefully ppl will realise tht rc is something beyond footdrill, push-up and first aid. its an international humanitarian society tht transcends geographical and cultural boundries. it presents aid to those hu need it on a humanitarian basis. not something u poke dun at juz coz e singapore division or say e ri youth division is not up 2 ur expectations.

anyway yah i wonder really wad so special it is about ur b-dae. haha. e novelty fades off after all tis while i guess. =P so wad if its ur b-dae? u still hav 2 tak ur maths and chem test. still hav to go fer chi lessons. still hav 2 go stardee fer bio. it does still bring a sense of joy and wonderment though... ah well. anyway my b-dae wish fer tis yr?? hmm haven really tot of tht. maybe perhaps 2 understand more bout life and my meaning in it bah. haha. rather intangible... =P

ok gotta study fer bio... buaiz and take care...

2004-05-04T20:00:00.000+08:00

hmm,

well sometimes i look at my life and feel i haven really accomplished anything. i mean seriously its been 15 almost 16 years and wad hav i done? wad hav most of us done? sch. competitions. house. cip. wad else? all these bring about juz a rush of adrenaline. a moment of estacy and wen its over it gets lost in e wheelings of time. u r juz another one. another person. another student. how different r u frm e rest of e ppl out there? not much really. effectively no one will rmb u say 20 years down e road for most of us... juz a thought.

ok summary of today. had 1 proper lesson and e rest of e day was crap. went for chi tuition afterwards and yah tht's bout it. chi is getting esp annoying these days. maybe coz its being forced down. maybe coz i'm bias and prejudiced. but i dun quite get e gidst of chi and i've more or less lost interest in it comepletely. unlike sciences and all where i'm partially interested at least, i feel nothing fer chi man. esp e way we're preparing and testing chi nowadays. rather pointless dun u tink? shldn't a language be learned thr expression and integration into our lives? shldn't it be learned as a culture and tested thr our understanding of it? y den can u study a language? i means its totally off track. look at e way ppl study chi nowadays man. juz e shou che and tht's it. its getting sickening esp since i hav a prob rmb e words wen it comes to phrases. ok so my foundation isn't there but its e onli subject i feel repulsive wen i hav 2 study it. all tis fer one certificate.

which reminds me. i'll be 16 in 2 days time and i've haven really got one lifeplan sorted out. haha rather sad. i haven even drawn up a plan fer Os yet. budden even if i do it'll be juz chi chi chi now so it doesn't really matter. i noe i wanna to rj but i haven really decided on e subject combies. most likely it'll be triple sciences and maybe economics. but its still all so vague. i'll probably ask some of my seniors soon. time 2 find out more anyway. interestingly and sadly, i'm starting to lose interests in most of subjects. maybe e teachers r trying 2 orientate us into exam mode or something but after doing sujata's poem i've realised i've stopped questioning a lot. i stopped asking y tis and y tht and well science is definately more interesting den e other subs but it kinda lost its flavour. becoming more concerned over how i'll do my Os den say e actual mechanics of things. take chem for example. yeah QA is cool but there's so much of it to prep us for Os. i tink its getting dry.

den on to e big picture. was reading jonthan's entry as well and since i was here i decided to write it anyway. wad i wanna be in e working world. and wad choices r there. seriously i tink i'll either end up in e science sector or e economics sector. tht's explains my jc choices i guess. budden i'm not even sure if i enjoy those things. humans side lyk journalism is cool but not for me. law? well i haven really considered it. doctor? hmm rather cliche rite? scientist? haha interesting job but boring as well in a sense. but i dun tink i make e cut. i dun quite lyk e picture of staying in e r&d lab all day long nor i tink i would be committed to do extensive research on say e evolution theory. psychology may be an interesting choice though. but myself as a psychologist? haha rather hard 2 imagine. i doubt my hr skills r tht in-tuned anyway. den economics? dunno y i even consider tht. but i juz can't seem to ignore it though i hardly noe anything bout e corporate world. finance manager -.-" lol. interestingly there's tis supposedly prediction of my future for me to do well in e commerce sector by a fortune teller tht my mum claims is veri accurate. but i'm skeptical.

mmm. no pt going on la... i'll juz stop write here. still got some stuff 2 do yup. ok fer now its reality check and back 2 chi...

2004-05-03T18:55:00.000+08:00

yoz,

ahh so tired today. feel lyk going to sleep rite now. had a reall long day. but tht isn't really possible in sec 4 i guess. besides i'm starving and waiting for my dinner =P

ok weekend lowdown: i completely wasted it. did nothing besides watch e billboard awards on sat and accompanying my sis to parkway to buy a cd on sun. and my mum had to go top up my ez-link card wen there was still quite a bit of cash in it. -.-" so there i was having to go digging for coins and ez-link cardless. and er wasting a lot of time messing around wif pda games. was so bored couldn't even touch e com. dad came back frm medan (dunno how to spell). he hooked himself up wif my comp lyk almost e entire time he was back since saturday morning playing elysium online and lyk i din even get a chance to do anything. of coz i din bother to stardee haha no mood so yah. e reason y i'm online now is coz he's gone back to medan again. sign.

ok today there was some speech on career guildance. seriously i tink it was totally boring and almost useless. man if e sch cannot find something productive for assembly i'd rather they juz give us 1 hour of free activity or something. lyk e stuff he told me will be of much use. so yah we practically spent e whole hour poking fun at him as his speech until a cockroach invaded e area and benjamin so pleasently stomped on it haha. yah we moved after tht. duh. lyk hu would wanna sit beside a dead roach. oh and kenny was rather funny wen he went shouting and screaming over him. almost rolled over wif laughter. haha.

yah after tht had to run 2.4. sianz tot i would skip it but jeff chan forced us to run anyway. lyk i'm in any shape. haven been training and after 2 weeks ago wen i was sick e entire week, it would hav been a miracle if i made a good timing. tot i'd juz giv it a shot but in e end had a bad stitch half way and wif some help frm guang hao had a pass. so there goes all e trouble i put in fer my 5 stations. haha sad. nvm i'll train and get a gold during e retest =P if i do decide to bother tht is haha.

urgh chinese is getting sickening. i'd better start mugging again. enuff break frm prelims already. Os not tht far away. haiz e chi lessons aft sch r so tiring. yah personal attn true but i dun really tink its making a big diff. nvm i'll still go fer em. a little help might go a long way. 1 more month until chi can finally be over fer tis yr. muz bear wif all. yup.

after chi lesson went bugis looking fer earphones. sony. haha call me overly brand conscience wadever. i still tink sony earphones r more trustworthy den say i-reaver or panasonic. dad had a lot of influence over me on tis part i tink. haha. tink i'll buy em on wed. finally found out wad's e diff btw flat sound and boosted and warm sound. a bit late i noe. haha. of and e sony mp3 player is rather nice too but e price is even nicer. stop dreaming ced u can nvr afford it. not now at least =)

yeah dinner's back. going down to eat now. den back to mugging and doing tuition hw. sianz. tis is e life lol... fortunately looking forward 2 tis week. despite e 3 tests coming up i hav some appointments on fri and thurs is my b-dae! (hint hint) finally can go watch nc-16 movies. finally haha.... and my cousin can stop suaning me. =P

2004-04-30T23:52:00.000+08:00

ello,

ahhh juz got back frm debate finals and finished my dinner. went wif zaidi, jonathan and abel. yeah!!! we won e debate finals against acs(i) 4-1 wif our hse proposing e motion tht gambling shld not be legalized or something liddat yup. it was a srjc and held together wif 3rd/4th placing match of sc vs ij debating over e motion tht president bush shld be re-elected wif e latter and e proposition winning. rather fiery debates if u ask me and quite a lot of ppl got worked up haha. esp e debators. after e finals, during e floor debate thingy all e ri ppl was lyk hogging e floor debate 2 put forward pts against e legalization of gambling *duh* and e mike i choose wasn't really working. so e stuff i said wasn't transmitted to e audience. haiz. funny thing later was we tried to do unite on e stage and some ppl were falling off while trying to stamp their feet. lol. and as usual e lines "we walk frm e field wif pride and fame" was "na na na na na na na" and we ended up laughing at ourselves. again. -.-" haha. another thing was tht we took sup long trying 2 find srjc. haha kept on going e wrng way....

anyway yah i'm suppose 2 be parade commander fer tis yr's founder's day parade. lol haha. my voice isn't suppose to be as good but my drills r better *makes face* dotz. tis yr all e parade appointment holders all rc. wif zaidi and clarence as stick orderlies. j wong's decision. haha. conflicting emotions.. feeling both honoured and crappy. parade commander hav 2 do lota rubbish and if i screw up man. i'll be so dead. =P hopefully it rains...... i wish. haha. gonna need some brushing up.

sheesh i tink i screwed my hist test. ahh wrote total crap and couldn't rmb my facts. saddening. fortunately its not counted but tht's not e pt is it? e pt is i couldn't get e eassay done properly. forogt e fact chinese detonated their own abom w/o russian help and e too fast too far thingy. and couldn't link properly. ahh well. does tht mean remedial? haha. anyway yah tis morning came 2 class and everyone was lyk urm urm... even ms neoh suspected lol. so much fer wad happened yesterday and all e disapproval i got. lol. total crap man. a tact hypocritical but hey aren't we all to some degree anyway?

*yawns* kinda tired now after all e cheering n listening 2 e gals scream, cheer and sing for e dunno how many-th time. not as bad as talenttime finals 2004 though haha. tht was a killer. =P hmm finally took e liberty of filing e resta my stuff after my last puncher broke. yah completely fragmented. haha. ok la. i noe my entries r not as philosophical as before but hmmm can't really bring myself to tink and write too much these days. anyway i shall end off wif a quote quoted frm president george w.bush junior by imran. (not sure if i rmbed it correctly though) chow.

"i have one word to say: be very prepared" -interesting reflection on his abilities as imran so pointed out haha after e ij-sc debate-

2004-04-29T19:35:00.000+08:00

hmm,

so interesting that one remark can spark off so many comments. haha ppl questioning me which part of e rafflesian community i'm in, the 90% or e 10%, and giving me a whole long string of words some of which i hav nvr seen b4 =P and yes tht's an ironic statement coz i can't really categorize myself into e 10%. i break my own fair share of rules man haha. but i view myself in regard tht i can be serious wen need be. i guess tht everyone has their own porblems in character. e standard rafflesian hallmark is i'd say almost impossible yup but its probably juz a matter of how far we r frm it. some r closer lyk e 10% some r further lyk e rest. perhaps. *shrugs* haha we often do things noeing wad they truely mean but still plundge into it. forget it tis isn't e pt of tis entry anyway.

and yes today was late. again. haiz. i really needa tak more measures 2 make sure i get up on time man. my sis forgot 2 set her alarm clock. i forgot e reset mine b4 going 2 sleep after doing e loci supplymentry and yah u get e rest of e story. had to tak a cab to sch, missed bout e 1st lesson block. hmm i guess i hav 2 do something about it. cannot afford 2 be so reliant and irresponsible.

ok had some award ceremony today as well. lee hock ley award ceremony or something. yup he was an old boy and wen he passed away in 1997, he stated in his will that he would donate 2 million dollars 2 e sch. man 2 million wen i saw e cheque i was lyk my god. *mouth hanging* i nvr seen a cheque wif such a large sum b4. i tink we will receive e interest generated or something. yah. den after tht at reception we were chatting wif HM and he was lyk toking bout e rafflesian spirit and asking whether we were passionate rafflesians or not. tinking bout it now, its rather ironic again i guess wif all e fuss i generated wif tht 1 comment. haha din answer his qns man juz smiled coz it'll lyk so fake if i said yes. i dare not say i'm a passionate rafflesian. no i dun tink i'm ready to say i'm there yet.

anyway yah i tink i really pissed a few ppl off in class today. yup. philip for one. probably thought i was blabbering rubbish at e atruim 2dae. well it doesn't matter. as long as there r ppl hu understand and appreciate y we do things its ok i guess. sign. and kenny to a slight bit too. maybe more. haha. actaully i was wondering if he made some comment bout it in my tag board but he din. yah ok so i went overboard asking around bout e maths test. probably shldn't hav done tht. degeneration of e rafflesian spirit and society and here i'm deteriorating it even further. goes to testify myself as a person huh? well wad's done is done can't change it. even though wad i did turned out to be rather pointless in e end, e fact is i still did it. i really shld stop juz criticizing myself and do something bout it.

hmm y do i tink tis yr's founder's day is gonna be so boring? man i mean geezes look at e way its being rushed and e enthusiasm about it and u dun needa psychic to tell. haha maybe it'll juz rain and j. wong would hav 2 cancel e parade for e first time as far as he noes. *bish* evil cedric, yah coz it'll waste e time of all those hu put it effort to put up a display but i guess most ppl wouldn't really minds. haha.

hmmm i really miss e old days i guess. wen we were in sec 2 and life was so much easier and simpler. reminiscing. wen there were so many problems and everything was so focused and orientated and u din question ur life and existance so often. well i guess e times onli come back wen zaidi and i tok bout it. he went thr those days wif me all e way he's probably e one hu understand those times. haha pity now we can onli recall and laugh at ourselves den.

ok yah enuff crap. mum's calling me. still gotta stardee fer hist test tomolo. urgh. ok cyaz ppl.

2004-04-28T18:45:00.000+08:00

hey ppl,

ok today had learning journeys. i really appreciate e fact tht i din hav e wake up fer sch early but haha i dun tink i would wanna do tis everyday man. ok it was refreshing, u dun hav e face e 4 concrete walls and hear e ohp fan whining away but it would be veri crappy if they organized too much of tis kinda trip. i mean e guy hu gave us e lecture in e lt b4 we went off been doing so fer e last 3 yrs. haha.

anyway yah went fort canning (again!) urgh, den went st andrew's cathedral, city hall, parliment house and supreme court. well initially it was super boring man. as in way way boring coz lyk i've been 2 fort canning probably a gazillion times. yah den zhao yu was being sup enthu bout it. bleah. and my class was being themselves doing lame and childish things and toking lota stuff bout our facilitator. ok so she may not be able to speak eng as well as we do and she looks half-sick or something but giv her a break man. e rest of the trip wasn't so bad. rather interesting if u care to tink bout it. but e sad part is a lot of info was repeated so it was rather dry. parliment hse i guess was e most interesting. haha yah went into e parlimentry chambers and looked around. kinda cool. probably e onli cool thing bout it. budden i noe nuts bout parlimentry proceedings so yah haha was rather blur bout e details and all yah.

yah today din eat lunch b4 e trip and i was starving throughout e entire trip. still suffering frm e consequence as i await my dinner while i'm typing tis haha. went coping mentos and sweets frm ppl throughout e entire journey. haha yah i noe i was being irritating but hey a hungry man is an angry man. haha. oh yah thank god we meet abel in e parliment house cafeteria and he brought a big pack of chips. my savior lol. =P lol i dun needa elaborate wad happened after tht haha. *bish* bad cedric. coped so much chips.... haha.

i gotta say something man. some ppl in my class r sup childish and immature. and today to an extent idiotic man. some ppl needa really grow up and stop being an idiot geezes. for 1 thing we couldn't even keep quiet for a moment. and some ppl r so lyk ultra lame. doing lame stuff cracking lame jokes asking lame questions and some dun even hav respect for religion. tak wad peter did at e keremat today, some stupid pose or something. or e lame qns philip asked before tht. goes to show their mentality man. and some ppl found e lame attitude funny. my god i dunno wad to say man. *speechless* fortunately there r still ppl lyk tiong hwee and jonathan hu r more mature if not tis class will really be totally crappy. but well wad can i expect? probably 90% of rafflesians dun live up to to our own proclaimed hallmark of prestige and excellence.

hmm maybe i'll go find something 2 eat first. argh damn hungry... where's my dinner. bleah. there's still a maths test tomolo on loci and investigative problems and i haven touched my supplymentry exercises or gone thr my notes yet. y do i get e feeling i'm gonna die badly?? haha. better go practice later. yah kk enuff crap, going off now cya.

2004-04-27T23:18:00.000+08:00

Yoz all,

Yeah finally created a new blog. plz take note yup. anyway easy journal was so slow man. u could hav died waiting for it to load and worse u can't even edit e stuff. urgh. but at least u already have e template. haha oh man i nearly died trying to get tis thing up and running. fact is i dun even noe if its running properly. hmm can anyone giv me a bit of assistance??? ok yah i noe i haven touched my old blog for an extremely long time yup sorri. couldn't write properly and was lyk so lazy to update it. haha. anyway if it weren't learning journey day tomolo and my dad isn't in town, i wouldn't even try updating or creating a new blog man. yeah he's lyk fighting wif me for e com 24-7 coz e com i can use has an online game he's playing. -.-" yah i noe its weird. anyway yah needa thank jonathan, aloysius and joel for helping me create this. or wadever there is of it.

ok yah tomolo is learning journey. geezes y do i hav e premonition its gonna be soooo meaningful man. parliment house. well i guess it would be better den a day in sch. or maybe not. and i dun hav to wake up so early tomolo!!! yes! finally haha. budden its lyk wad till 5+. i tink i'm so gonna die for maths test on wednesday. help. man if ms neoh din postpone e hist test i'll be lyk so dead. dunno. maybe it'll be better. maybe not. ok ok maybe i'm juz against it but well we'll wait and see.

ok hmm. i'm totally broke now man. after e weekend. ok in short last sat and sun, we celebrated my cousin's 21st b-dae together wif my sis's b-dae and mine at tanah merah chalet. yup basically spent a bomb on bowling. =P throwing $$ down e dran man. haha yah now suffering coz of tht. worse still bought 2 rp tickets frm navjote. going wif zaidi and jonathan being e evil treasurer tht he is kept on chasing me for class fund. so i now owe sean $10 and leon $5. bleah. zaidi better pay for ur rp ticket quick!!! if not quite sad lah seriously haha.

ok its late enuff, still hav to continue editting e code for me blog. geezes tis is not easy man. ahhh. kinda sleepy already *yawns* i dun tink i wanna repeat my sleeping hours fer last week. =) ok yah enjoy ur learning journey tomolo ppl and try to hav fun. haha. parliment house. geezes wait, my mum's nagging at me to go to sleep again. tsk tsk. ok buaiz.