hi ppl,

ok sorry for the lack of updates for the past month or so. a whirlpool of events have occurred since the last time i've blogged and i guess things will never be the same again. i'll probably be updating here and there but i doubt it'll be that intense given the vast spectrum of factors blasting time, mood and priorities into my face. currently picking up and resorting the pieces as ends are finally tied up and struggling to swim up and on after the shift phase evolution.

basically common tests results are on the verge of spilling over, i'm not expecting much given the amount of preparation i made and the degree of understanding i stood by while sitting for the papers coupled with the limited practices i did. hopefully it will be better than what i'm expecting, if not then well, we'll have to make up with prelims wun we? it was a bumpy ride, but nothing out of the ordinary if you would just kindly ignore the fact prelims are starting at the end of this term and i haven't gotten geared back down after the aftermath of my stress-releasing activities the past few days. movies, chalets, pool, bowling and God knows what else.

rc is probably more or less closed now. a track now lost in the forbidden mists of time. surprising it proved easier than i anticipated, but perhaps it was due to common test displacing my attention and emotional spirit. the last upcoming event is cadet recognition day which is coming up at the end of this month, the previous was dawn's birthday chalet party. no point re-alliterating about my night over, i'd rather have memory serve me for this one, the mark of the ending perhaps? perhaps in my deluded mind to personify and emphasis the taste of it, and it it is connected and associated with. if i really wanted to go on expounding on this, i might as well include my disapproval for azizul's outburst on the house and personal victimization of liansheng for drama feste. so much for house captain. but i can't be bothered on this; it bears no relevant importance.

arthur yesterday, spiderman2 probably coming up this friday? when am i ever going to get down to studying man? no more pointless hours wasting and draining my life away in front of a jaded monitor, or on experimenting with the functions of the new phone i finally got or whatsoever. i suppose i have to set back and cut down, cut down on activities that have so adhesively clung onto the threads of my time. restriction, control, sacrifice, double edged swords that will no doubt tear one's very soul to painful wounds of mental stress and existence. stress of existence that has already began to escalate which i have yet to face but will do so very soon. time to hit the books after this and leave this entry as a reminder and an inspiration to realize my dream at the end of this year.

i guess i may not be making much sense to some, i apologise for the crime of word evasion which i'm guilty and convicted of. some secrets and feelings dwell too deep within the heart and mind to be so openly allowed to be scrutinised by the public eye. additionally, my entry has no respect for logic of reading nor proper order, making it based not on the importance and need for ideas to be discussed and released from the bottomless pit that is the mind but rather grounded by what passed through my mind this moment henceforth. as of it is, my supper awaits me downstairs and my eyelids do bear the burden of lack of sleep and troubling, dull, seemingly dream-like yet very real problems that are omnipresent in the background.

anyway need to start forcing myself to study after this, perhaps a little bit of the sciences; easiest to start with anyway. but before that sometimes i feel ripped apart by right and wrong. believing what i know is right, thinking its right yet questioning whether my belief is indeed right and still doing it. yet after which i get a sense of fulfilment and agony - an irony altogether. fulfilment for doing in which something i believe but knowing very well it is exactly opposite as i wish it would be or would have been. even as i know this thoughts be wrong, what can i do indeed? curbing them is not the problem but what i seek is release and salvation from them. perhaps one day that salvation will come and i can calm my tormented soul from the idiocy of my dilemma.