Monday, June 28, 2004

hmmm,

i tink i shall put my blog on hiatus for a while. haven been updating recently anyway. dun feel lyk recounting y rite now though. ok will update in a bit i guess but most likely after common test so bye for now.

The Lost Soul |5:23:00 pm|

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Wednesday, June 09, 2004

wow,

ok now now tht was fast. it hasn't 24 hours after the end of combined training and scandals are spreading lyk wildfire. haha well i guess its inevitably. one is obviously the nic-amelia, and of coz the long-going one jason soh raked up btw jason ng and yiping and now there's even one bout me and my other mentor, cheryl. well the truth is their basically groundless accusations but nevertheless ppl r still swallowing em for future teasing and enjoyment purposes which is after all veri natural. anyway wad happened to me was tht initially i was told my partner hated me coz, well, i was a guy. but after the hike she was supposedly asking a lot of qns bout me so some bored friens of mine decided to create scandalized it to kill time. haha was rather funny actually so there u hav it.

anyway i would lyk to thank samjo for the punisher preview tickets and man NC 16 movies r so so so irritating at tis pt of the yr where its lyk near impossible to find someone available to go wif u. anyway went wif clarence in the end and met joel and amin too. the place was sooo diff to find coz there was a special set of elevators for reaching tht place which i couldn't find inititally so i ended up yaking the cargo lift which went to all floors. -.-" anyway the theatre was soo posh and luxurious. it had lyk wad? bout 20+ odd so leather seats tht were veri comfortable specially for SB staff. so funky man, nvr seen a theatre lyk tht b4. however the movie on the other hand wasn't as stunning and captivating though. spiderman was better. tis show was rather cliche, the ending u could guess frm halfway through the show and it was sooo totally lyk those rambo/predator kind of shows where u hav 1 man against impossible odds wif a whole big slap of batman-movie like flavours. not tht nice but anyway muz thank samjo for the preview tixs yup. thanks bro.

*yawns* feeling so sleepy. haven been studying tis week which is totally bad. made a few feable attempts tht result in nothin cumulative though. anyway sometimes i still can't let go of memories of the past. they stick around and haunt u, popping up out of the blue all of a sudden. actually its mostly the fact of chi Os tht i can't let go; come to tink of it, it probably is the root of me saying tis. even though it isn't much compared to some of the worse things ppl go thr but no matter wad i do, it still remains stubbornly and poignantly ebbed in me. a sense of inferior complex does kick in at times which i try to overcome, but no matter wad i do it cannot be resolved, onli suppressed. i feel inferior tht i did not hit the mark, tht ppl r way better den me which i resent, not at them coz of jealousy or wadsoever, but rather at my inability to perform and to excel noeing veri well i could hav done better.

right now compensation is the onli way to prove tis untrue and correct my psychological viewpoint. fortunately, it's dormant usually and isn't the predominant issue governing my life; it onli surfaces occasionally wen i'm alone or juz smsing/toking and doesn affect me tht much or tht obviously. its a long way to go frm here but if i hold on, if we hold on, perhaps one day i can turn back and smile, noeing tht it had all been worth it.

The Lost Soul |11:20:00 pm|

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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

hey,

it seems tht i'm always blogging almost zonked out these days but well tis probably will change soon i guess. amazing i din fall asleep during class today considering how tired i was yesterday and the fact i realised bio lesson wasn't for me till tis mornin wen i woke and thus ended up waking an hour earlier. but i fell asleep on the mrt though. lost balance twice, throw in the fact tht i was leaning on the glass panel at the seat sides, it was rather hilarious. anyway the storyline for neon genesis evangelion is really interesting and the manga art is rather nice too. bought the first book 2 days ago and ended up going to kino at taka 2 get the 2nd today. actually intended to stardee a bit at taka library but well ended up finishing the comic there instead. well...

ok sunday went out and watch harry potter wif my sis and mum. wasn't tht good; story flow was totally off, it was way way way too jumpy. it was lyk they were trying 2 squeeze all the impt scenes and cut off completely all the rest. and the ending was lyk dropped totally in the middle of the climax building up. ok but i'll giv them due credit for the special effects. really well done. cept the werewolf of coz; it looked lyk some comical wolf tht has xtremely long arms, can't look scary for nuts and has been starved for a month or 2. and emma watson is much better looking now. haha, but tht's not relavent anyway.

mmm ok finally had our combined hike wif IJ yesterday. wow its FINALLY DONE. it started more den 6 months ago and has been on-going ever since wif so many changes made frm our original idea. a breather aft all tis while. of coz the last minute changes totally disorganized everything but well it was all right in the end i guess. and some ri boys muz learn to treat females and members of the same race: humans, not some wild, extra-terresterial being of the 5th dimension tht'll erase u frm the face of the earth if u approached em or something. -.-" and yash they still can't navigate... cadets these days can't navigate at all. where has all the common sense gone to? sad.

ok after the hike, had ulp campfire - as tradition we were invited back, though not officially tis yr due to the inefficiency of those ppl. anyway it was rather fun to be back together again, probably the last time we'll ever do so and for some the last time we'll ever meet. of coz tht doesn't apply to the POC com. haha. surprisingly quite a bit of ppl turned up despite all the hiccups. i din eat much though, couldn't bother too anyway. ended up toking to the instructors and each other. anyway was rather mean, kept teasing and scaring yiping throughout the session. ok i muz stop these bad habits; first was the ij v-chair now's the ij chair. i wun be surprised if some of the ij ppl i noe started killing me bout it. haha but u guys r too nice rite? =P anyway being more sombre and serious now, i shall offer my apology for all the stuff i've said to irritated u all, esp yiping for tolerating my rubbish on *COUGH* which i totally din mean one bit(sorry tis is censored out in respect of personal privacy) and scaring her by grabbing her neck 2 or 3 times and talks on the supernatural.

ok anyway which brings me to the question. which me exactly am i? i seem to be veri diff in diff situations and i noe tht i'm diff. tak for example me in class and the me tht was at the CT yesterday or say the me wen i'm alone online blogging or the me wen i'm toking bout serious issues wif zaidi. all of them feel so natural, so true, juz raw personality (ok cept maybe slightly not so in class) but they're like the diff polarities of the earth. all so distinguished and coming frm a veri rooted sense of personality individualism. so who exactly am i? who exactly is wad i truely am? seriously, i hav no idea. i'm not refering to the characteristics of a person lyk my horrendous spelling for example but rather the veri contrasting kind of behavior personified in dissimilar places and wif diverse people. mmmm.

ok anyway tht's bout it. probably shld start planning for my stamp exhibit due soon and start revising since ct is over and nth major on hand left but june camp. going for dinner now. cya everyone and take care.

The Lost Soul |6:16:00 pm|

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Saturday, June 05, 2004

hello ppl,

been busy these few days and things hav been well rather tiring esp wif the upcoming events next week. extra holiday lessons, combined training, ulc campfire and of coz hu could forget our omnipresent tonnes and tonnes of hw.

alright on thursday went to the LOTR exhibit wif manyan. haha it was rather cool, and they really give veri detailed explainations on how the filming was done and all the special effects, props and all. the lighting was dim which created a rather dark ambience which was a good idea but it did impair reading by a bit. anyway the armours and weapons are all so exquisitely and intricatingly designed!! so cool!! and yah i was filling in the parts of the story to manyan coz she din finish the book/movie so yah. anyway the special effects section at the back was rather cool too. esp the device tht twiddled wif ur voice. rather interesting. =P

ok after tht we went to west coast park and unfortunately discovered tht it's juz a small plot of land beside the sea tht doesn't hav any beach at all wif sea air tht is totally infected wif the stench of carbon monoxide or some other gas. anyway ended up sitting on the sand pit toking. stayed there a bit den decided to head to toa payoh mrt station but halfway had the crazy idea of going to Sentosa coz it passed by the world trade centre and well we did. okok so i may slightly outa my mind well well haha wad can i say? i haven been to Sentosa in ages man esp w/o my family so lyk most of the newer or not so well-travelled stuff i hav been completely wiped off my memory. anyway we were there at siloso beach most of the time, cycled a bit too, but mostly splashing water at each other and all tht kind of stuff.

after which went to eat yoshinoya b4 going home. perhaps one word would fit perfectly: expensive. and i missed the maths test i was suppose to sit for in the morning coz it completely slipped my mind so ended up struggling wif relative velocity and all tht rubbish wif a half-awake brain and a totally geared down mentality. if tiong hwee din't call me i would hav juz slept on at 10am coz of recce the previous day. haha.

mmmm, apparently my sleeping hours hav completely gone haywire recently which leaves me slightly dysfunctional haha. yesterday was up doing proposals till bout 1+ and woke up at 6+ today to get to campsite. had to pass indra a whistle and decided to bring a puncher along coz well they'll probably need it if they were up doing proposals will lyk i dunno wad god-forsaken hour. met nicholas at the train station as well coz he also had 2 pass indra his unit tees and yah we were stoning there waiting for kenneth and indra to show up. suspected kenneth was late which he was and so we decided to walk 2 campsite. met couple of old instructors, shirly ma'am, jianfu sir and dolisa ma'am(dunno how 2 spell her name). surprisingly dolisa ma'am still rmbs frm ndp last yr so nick and i toked em into letting us in.

after which i went to nick's hse for a while and ended up playing ps2. his parents were veri gracious, good for him and thank nick for hosting me tis mornin despite the inconvenience. anyway ps2 is addictive man haha. wad can i say? i dun even hav a ps and i hav lyk no new games on my com. no gd games recently anyway. i can still taste the rush of adrenaline, the sweetness and the addiction. anyway nick met the grp and jianfu sir on the way back frm church later in the day while they were hiking. coincidence haha but well they're probably wondering wad the hell r these ri ppl doing.

alright flashback to yesterday. sat for the maths test in the mornin. dun ask, i hav no idea how i fared. it seem ok but i could hav been totally off and i wouldn't noe it. can't be bothered anyway. concentrating on the tables outside is strenuous. sides its not exactly counted. after tht rushed off to clarke quay for recce; tis time we were doing the checkpoints activities wif a smaller grp. by the time i reached, we were 2/3 done so it din last tht long. basically throughout the whole thing was constantly teasing the 3 of em. haha hell it was more fun tht way anyway yah but if any of the 3 of u r reading tis i'll say it again plz dun tak wad i said 2 heart. aft suntec went for an amazing expensive lunch at the food court again; burned up all the remnants monetary expenses i had. dawn left for a concert after lunch and yiping, yu ting, zaidi and i hung out a bit at carrefoure(again i dunno the spelling) and the bookfair at one of the convention halls b4 heading home.

ok anyway finally did something constructive today by finishing up the chem stuff due next week; had lyk no opportunity to do much stuff the whole week. anyay ok tht's bout it, dun feel lyk typing any more, my brain isn't even completely conscience but i'm wide awake. lol. bye ppl.

The Lost Soul |10:05:00 pm|

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Wednesday, June 02, 2004

vesak day,

a day for the commeration of Lord Budha and his teachings, a day for buddhist across the world to show their respect and faith in their religion by making a trip down to a temple to pray. frankly i can't rmb the exact details but well it shld be somewhere along these lines. my parents are well buddhist though they dun follow all regulations. naturally they would hav us follow in their faith. nothing visibly wrong wif tht cept tht fact i dun really believe in Budha and his teachings. sure they do mak sense but well the way buddhism has developed in singapore seems to hav deviated frm wad i hav been taught.

right, so here i was being dragged down to the temple. however the fact tht i wasn't veri earnest bout it and well to appease my mum and to show some form of respect to the religion i offered incense and did all the standard required protocol. being uncomfortable doing something i had no sincereity for, i got myself out of the temple asap. mmm perhaps its my own personal attitude. perhaps it my immature teenage mentality but well i find doing all these rather pointless. 1) chanting prayers u dun even understand. i mean come on if u dun understand wad is being chanted, u dun understand its significance which translates to the whole procedure losing its purpose in the first place. 2) offering incense to pray to Lord Budha to ask for good results/good fortune etc etc. aren't tis all a self-reflection of self-centeredness? they are juz merely asking for benefits for their personal self-gain. how will this help in attaining enlightenment? 3) pouring oil into the jars for the oil lamps? ok i hav no idea, if u waned to do a donation out of goodwill y do u hav to pour oil... 4) being blessed by holy water. blessing? for protection or good fortune? aren't tis more acts of self-obsession? mmm. the list goes on lyk ppl onli bothering to pray on vesak day. goes to testify how strong is their sincerity and belief in their faith.

ok i'm slightly incongruent now. feeling totally tired out by today's recce but well i tink i got my pt across hopefully. anyway since the teachers hav gone to the liberty of informing the whole world of our cts plans i'll juz said we had a recce wif IJ in the aft. yup, standard stuff for tis kind of activity, nothing really peculiar happened which din expect or din fail to notice. however it's highly likely tht i missed out quite a bit of stuff given the fact i was lyk walking relatively fast throughout the hike. haha oh well.

mmmm my mind is shutting down already. going to sleep soon even if my mum doesn't come chasing me off the com any moment now. good nite folks.

The Lost Soul |9:36:00 pm|

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Tuesday, June 01, 2004

hi,

all right nothing much happened today. i woke up in the morning and took a short jog in the park nearby my house realizing all too well tht my fitness is juz atrocious. the sun wasn't up yet and the air was so cool and still damp. veri condusive conditions actually, maybe i shld do tis more often. the air was juz so fresh and cold, revitalizing and invigorating. of coz tht would mean waking up so early ever day which would equate to not having a holiday in the first place. my mind's rather unresponsive at the moment, can't really think straight. was staring at a maths question hopeless before giving up and finally deciding to blog. i seriously hav no idea wad it means but well, heck i'll not bother bout it till my dinner arrives. which is lyk taking an eternity.

after which i tried finding my way to heartland mall to pass xiu wen some ri sch badges which was probably the most hilarious thing tht has happened to me in the recentlight of things. wif hindsight, i can blatantly comment tht i was utterly hopeless and stupid haha. apparently heartland mall is situationed at krovan mrt station. unfortunately i had no prior knowledge of tis and had no idea it was near a mrt station. so i took bus 25 to amk to change to 132 to reach the place. but the terminal had no 132 so upon asking the control station, i was instructed to board 136 which i did. however i realised i was getting nowhere. thus i alighted and found out tht it was conveniently situationed at krovan frm some lady so i took bus 317 to serangoon mrt before i proceeded to krovan. after which i realised i went 1 whole big round for nothing. result of poor communication and blind walking. bleah. no more brilliant plans next time, i'm sticking to traditional mrt routes.

ok dinner's calling. finally. i'm famished. cya all.

The Lost Soul |8:05:00 pm|

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My Identity

Name: Cedric Koh
Bdae: 6th May 1988
Skool: Raffles Institution 2001 - 2004
Maha Bodhi Primary School 1995 - 2000
Contact: infamax3000@hotmail.com

Expression

-Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

-Winston Churchill

Past Contemplations



April 2004

May 2004

June 2004

July 2004

August 2004

September 2004

October 2004

July 2007

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